


The Colors In His Eyes

by chamoyagria



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angry Boyfriends, Blow Jobs, F/F, F/M, Frotting, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Realization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-24 22:47:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 41,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3787183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chamoyagria/pseuds/chamoyagria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Getting a summer job at your best friends family creamery when you're supposed to be on vacation seemed to be a good idea, until a jerk with the prettiest eyes Jean had ever seen shows up an almost gets him fired on his first day. To make matters worse they keep running into each other no matter where they seem to go. The usual mundane family vacation might be a little less than vanilla than it usually is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Jean almost gets fired because everyone and no one was hitting on each other.

Jean threw the freshly made backpack onto his bed with the other stuff he had packed weeks in advance of his biannual family trip. He had so much crap that he could probably border himself off from the rest of the country and no not have to worry about nuclear threat, no worries that the radiation would leak through all of his things. You never really know how much stuff you have until you have to move it around, and it was that time of the year.

Every summer after Jean finished up the school year, he and his mom would go and visit his grandma back in his mom’s hometown for about two months. He was really close to his mom and grandma and as much as he looked forward to going every year; there came a point when his mom stopped packing all of his stuff for him. When we turned 8 his mom made him responsible for getting his shit together and took no mercy on him. One year he tried to get out of it by not packing until 30 minutes before they were supposed to leave in the hopes that she would pack all of his stuff for him the night before out of frustration. That was the same year that Jean showed up at his grandmothers with one pair of underwear and change of clothes for a week. Lucky for him, when his mom wasn’t looking his granny took him out to buy all of the stuff he needed for the lengthy stay because God knows his mother would have let him ride out his punishment. She was brutal when he was 8, it would only be worse if he tried to pull that little stunt at 19.

Jean walked over to his bed, flopping down face first hoping that if he landed hard enough and broke part of his face his mom would let him sleep in for a few more minutes. On 30 of sleep, Jean Kirstein wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed; Although he _just_ graduated high school yesterday with the #6 rank in all of his graduating class of 2,000 kids doesn’t mean he isn’t stupid enough to ignore his mother’s warning of coming home early from whatever he planned to do because they were leaving at 5:30 am the next day if she had to drag him out in his boxers. Because Jean has at least some sense, he came home in a drunken stupor at around 4 and without having to worry about packing because he had previously already done so, fell right to sleep.

For the short time that Buddha allowed him, he was getting really into a dream where a raven haired beauty was getting prepping to give him the best blowjob of his life (not really having much to compare it to), caressing his face and playing with his hair the way all men seemed to like. It was going well, her hands were moving from his hair to his navel to just a bit lover. She paused for a bit to look up at him, eye glazed over and pupils blown to ridiculous proportions called out his name. He could have finished right then and there, that is, if the voice that had come out of her mouth sounded just like his mom. The girl reached up to touch his face, placing a few light slaps on his face before calling out to him again. Jean opened his mouth to respond, dry mouth making it difficult to form a sound.

“Jean!” The girl said a little louder before grabbing his shoulders and shaking them violently. It was pretty kinky if he was being honest. “JEAN GET UP I’M NOT TELLING YOU AGAIN YOU HAVE 30 MINUTES.” Jean awoke startled, jumping up into the air before rolling off of his bed, one leg still hooked on his bed while every other part of him was in a hot mess on the floor.

“You are such a heavy sleeper it’s actually annoying.” She said looking at him with annoyed expression, dressed in a night robe hair tied up in a slept-in bun. “It was so cute when you were a kid, you even rubbed your eyes while yawning in your little footie pajamas.” His mother looked down, a slight smile on her face probably remembering when Jean was actually tolerable, before looking up at him with a tired frown. “Now you smell like booze and look like that girl who sings about brushing her teeth with whiskey.”

“You mean Ke$ha?” Jean answered, heart still pounding in his chest severely disappointed that his mom woke him up and that his dream wasn’t reality.

She gave him an eye over and sighed loudly. “You shouldn’t even be drinking anyways, I kind of wish the cops caught you so you would learn your damn lesson; I hope you have a nasty hangover or at least remain drunk enough for just being awake to cause you severe hell.” She turned around to leave, walking towards the door slowly before stopping at the entryway turning her head to him “Also, you might want to take care of that.” She said pointing to his erection. “You have a really bad habit of sleep moaning, or loud wet dreaming whatever you want to call it, I could hear you from halfway down the stairs.” She turned back around and closed his door, leaving Jean utterly mortified.

He looked over at his clock, 5:25. Turing over on the limited amount of space, thanks to the plethora of bags on the bed, he took out his phone to see a message from his best friend.

**Marco:**

What time did you even get home last night?  
You were still there after I left at like 12

 

He put down his phone deciding to answer later when he wasn’t in the shittiest mood. Marco was a really nice guy, and yelling at him when he was just worried about his best friend’s well-being was practically illegal. It’s not like it hadn’t happened before, Marco was always really understanding about it since they’ve known each other their entire high school careers. After countless sleepovers and a ridiculous number of rude morning greetings, Jean still felt bad about yelling at him so he tried to keep it as minimal as possible.

“JEANBO ARE YOU READY TO GO?!” His mom yelled from across the house (he swears she could have been right next to him she so loud, especially when she was waking him up after a night that he was supposed to sleep early.) annoyed at his childhood nickname.

“Yeah just give me a few minutes.” Jean replied loud enough to her to be able to hear. He was already packed and ready to go, he just needed a minute to really think about all of the choices he’s made in his life and regret them all. It was too early and he was too tired to think about or do anything else.

“NO. NOW. MARCO AND HIS PARENTS ARE ALREADY OUTSIDE READY TO GO.”

“I’m going!” he said, a little louder than last time. Volume was always a problem with him, he always had “the tone” that his mom would beat him for if he said something loud enough, whether he meant to be an as or not. He had to be really careful with it most times, his mom doesn’t deserve or take attitude very well.

Making no attempt to actually move, he covered his eves with his arm in a futile attempt to rest them. Staying up until 4 A.M at a party the day before he had to go see his grandma might not have been one of his best ideas, especially when she made sure to talk for hours on end when he finally got there. God bless his granny, she was a saint and if there was anyone on this planet that he loved more than his mom (although he’d never admit it) was his granny. She was the most amazing woman on the plant but she would talk you to death with the same story she told you last night over the phone, adding in minor details that she neglected before.

As he was starting to doze off he heard footsteps getting louder coming towards his door. Jean sprung out of his bed so fast that he knocked over his laptop, sending it flying across the room. He would’ve had a heart attack over that if he wasn’t so worried about dying at the hands of his impatient mother. He’d already been woken up once, he didn’t want to make her mad with a second time.

“Jean?” he heard Marco say as he knocked lightly on the door. “Are you ok? I heard a loud crash and your mom told me to come and help get your bags.” He opened the door slightly to see Jean clutching his heart, the biggest look of relief on his face. “You look like you just took a piss after you had to hold it in for a long time. That’s kind of gross, oh my God. Please don’t tell me that’s what happened. I thought you stopped wetting the bed when you were 15 Jean? We were finally making progress!”

Jean threw his heaviest bag at Marcos face, effectively shutting him up. “Fuck you man, I thought you were my mom you asshole. Also, this is the last time I tell you _anything_ that goes on in my life. I’m blocking you on all social media including Myspace. I regret ever meeting you and driving to see our families together.”

Marco picked up the bag Jean threw at him, unaffected by his words; there was never any heat behind them. “What the hell do you put in here? Dictionaries?” he asked rubbing his nose, tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

“I packed the amount of hatred that I’ve accumulated for you these past four years, but it got too heavy so I decided to give it back to you. Stop being a big baby I didn’t even throw it that hard.” Jean reached over to lightly slap Marcos check, moving his hand to the freckled boy’s nose and examining his face. “It isn’t even red you little bitch! Sasha could take more of a punch than you can.”

“That’s because you’ve actually broken her nose.” Marco replied, nose still stinging.

“Look it was an accident!” Jean protested. “She wouldn’t stop tickling me and I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t think straight to I just wailed around for a bit until I heard a yell I didn’t mean to do it.”

“We’ve all heard it Jean, but no one’s convinced.”

“Yeah I know, but she ended up forgiving me. She also gets one free shot.” Jean shivered at the thought of what Sasha was capable of. “I’m even more scared because we broke up and now she has Connie to convince her to snap my arm in half or something. Plus she won’t even give me a heads up.”

“Maybe that’s why she started working out like hell.” Marco thought out loud. “She can squat like 210 now and has a really hard butt.”

“Yeah it is pretty nice.” He mused. “It was nice even before she started working out like hell. It’s just more toned now.”

“Why are you always so creepy?” Marco sighed. “Get your stuff ready, if we take any longer both of our moms will be in here yelling at us”

“Yeah yeah just grab half my stuff.” Jean grumbled, throwing a few bags across his shoulder.

Marco grabbed the remaining bags on Jeans bead and followed him down the stairs where his mom had two cups of coffee and parfaits waiting for the boys. Even when she was mad at him, his mom still did everything she could to make sure Jean knew she loved him. He grabbed his breakfast first and walked outside to pack his things in the trunk of his moms SUV. Why they needed an SUV when it was just the two of them he will never know. He asked his mom once why she kept buying them, and all she said was because she wanted to and deserved it after working her ass off. He never questioned her about it again.

“Finally you got up, and no boner to show!” His mom said loudly causing Marcos mom to giggle and his dad to crack a smile. She walked up to the house, pulling out her keys when she reached the door. “You don’t have to use the bathroom right? It’s a three hour ride and I’m not stopping. Speak now or forever hold your peace!” She sang.

“I’m not 6 mom, I used the bathroom before Marco came to get me.” Jean was too tired and buzzed to reply with a funny retort.

“You have everything else right? Phone? Charger? Keys?” she asked more seriously.

“Why would I even need my keys anyways I’m not taking my car and we’re not going to be here?”

“Because you need grandma’s house key, plus the key to your bike lock.”

“Yeah they’re in my back pocket.”

“Good!” she said locking the door, “Say goodbye for two and a half months!” She headed back over and climbed into the driver’s seat. “It’s going to be a loooooong drive, let’s get going!”

Jean climbed in to passenger seat and pulled his seatbelt on, mentally preparing himself for the road trip ahead of him. He rolled the windows down and watched Marco climb into the back seat of his parents black Nissan Titan. Since Jean had become close with Marco, he found out that Mrs. Bott’s sister lived in the town that Ms. Kirstein was from. They went every summer for a week to spend time with her, so they decided to start driving behind each other in case one of the families needed help, the other one would be there. It only served to strengthen Jean and Marco’s friendship, as well as their mothers, and even helped Jean meet Marco’s cousin Ymir. He would spend most of his time with her during the summers when his mom and grandparents were too busy to shower him with attention.

Jean turned to his mom and gave her a kiss on the cheek, “I love you mommy.” He said with a big smile on his face.

“I love you too baby.” She said kissing her son back when he leaned in for affection. “And I always will, no matter how much of a hard time you give me, or how much grief I give you.” She smiled warmly at him. It was always a thing they did before they took off for long trips. Anything could happen at any time, and he wanted to remind his mom that he loved her, especially when they both weren’t in the best mood beforehand. If his mom died in a few hours for whatever reason, the last thing he would want her to remember from him was a stupid comment or a fight they had.

He settled in for the ride, adjusting his seat back and taking his shoes off; he pulled his feet on the dashboard and stretched his legs out. Now he was ready for a 6 hour drive.

* * *

 

The drive there was peaceful. Jean and his mother enjoyed comfortable silence, stopping once for Marco to use the bathroom at a random gas station. That boy has the bladder of a squirrel it was so small, kind of like his dick (burn!). They arrived at 11 a.m., watching the sun rise and the sky transform the entire time. He hated waking up early, but when he did he always took the opportunity to just look. Look at all the things he never had the chance to see and just sit in awe of the nature around him. The scenery of endless acres of trees and large hills in the distance in the morning 8 a.m. light was breathtaking. There was something calming about looking out the window and leaving your mind to wander, a few hours of quiet peace does Jeany boy good.

They drove into the tiny town and the two families parting ways, Jean and his mother taking a right and Marco and his parents continuing straight. They drove for about 10 minutes, both excited about getting to see his grandmother again since New Year’s. Ms. Kirstein pulled up into the driveway shifting the car into park when his grandmother walked out, arms open and ready to greet them.

“Where are my daughter and grandson?” She said walking towards the driver’s side.

“HERE I AM GRANNY DID YOU MISS ME?!” Jean all but screamed running out of the passenger’s side and pushing his mother out of the way of the first hug almost knocking her over. He wrapped his arms gently over her, making sure the hug was tight enough to send an “I love you so much I could cry” but gentle enough as not to break her.

“Of course I’ve missed my Jeanbo!” She cooed at him. “And my my look at those muscles, have you been working out?” She grabbed his arms and smiled at him.

Jean blushed and smiled the biggest that he had in a while, genuinely happy. “Well you know granny, gotta keep in shape.”

Jeans mom opened up the trunk of the car, ruining Jeans time to shine. “As much as I love talking about how handsome the product of my womb is,” she said with complete seriousness, “I need some help taking down all this stuff, the majority being his.”

Jean gave his grandma a kiss on the cheek before walking off to take on as many bags as he could carry and trudged his way inside.

“Hey ma.” His mom said walking over to the older lady, giving her a warm hug.

“Hello Anne, How was the drive?” She said kindly.

“It was good, the weather was nice and it wasn’t too hot, the best part about it was that there was no traffic.” Anne said as she walked over to collect the rest of the bags. She grabbed the remaining 6 bags and walked inside, idly chatting with her mother.

As the two ladies began talking about whatever it is that people above their 40’s talk about, he began lugging his things into his room. His granny’s house wasn’t very big, they had two bedrooms, one master and one that was his mother’s growing up. The room still had pink paint from when his mom still lived with them. For the 12 years that they visited, he his mom and his dad stayed in that little room, all sleeping on a queen sized bed. After his father and grandpa passed away, he took that room all to himself while his mom slept with his granny. He was really relieved though, there are some certain needs that a 19 year old had that would be difficult to fulfill while sharing a room with his mother. The need right now being a nap, his buzz was starting to wear off and somewhere between laughing at Marco for almost pissing his pants (getting back at him for that comment earlier) and finishing the gas station hot dog he halfway ate, he started feeling the after effects of drinking all night with little sleep. He was so lucky that he only got sleepy instead of hangovers.

About 5 hours into his nap Jean woke up, dry mouthed and itchy, to a text from Ymir. He was too disoriented to reply, but for some reason he decided to open up the text.

**Ymir:**

So when are you gonna come over here and eat my sweet asshole?? Its been like 6 years

 

Jean stared at the screen for a good 4 minutes before he turned it off and placed it on his night stand. “I don’t even know why I own a phone.” He mumbled, defeated. He had like 4 friends he talked to and hung out with regularly. Two of them being his ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend, and the other two being gay, or half-gay, whatever; Marco was bisexual and he only texted two of them one of them every day and it was Ymir, and she managed to hurt him every single time he unlocked his phone. The others at least took breaks when they texted him memes or nonsense, but Ymir never rested, constantly torturing him with her stupid humor. She thought she was so funny, but in reality she just hurts people.

He stood up to get water and take a piss he hadn’t realized he needed to take until he woke up when he looked over at the clock, 6:12 p.m. He unlocked his phone about to reply to Ymir when he heard laughing in the living room. Dismissing it as an old sit-com that his mom and granny liked to watch, he walked into the living room in his boxers and old t-shirt that he cut the sleeves of to work out in. Jean took a seat on the couch when he suddenly realized it had gone completely silent, the only noise in the room being the rumble of the air-condition unit and white noise from the old wooden TV. Jean looked up to reveal Ymir and Marco sitting on the old love seat across from the recliner he took a seat in not too long ago.

“You look awful.” Ymir snorted out, trying a little too hard not to full out holler at the sight of jeans ultra-hairy legs.

“I was just about to reply to you, and shut up I just woke up.” Jean replied, slightly annoyed, but not surprised that they had shown up at his granny’s house.

“Yeah we can smell it on your breath.” Marco teased sending his mom and Ymir into a full fit of laughter.

Jean shot him a glare that would have set him on fire if it were possible. He looked over at his grandmother for protection, but much to his distress she was covering her mouth trying to hide her giggles. He hated them so much, he honestly didn’t know what he had done in ever to deserve this, and he didn’t know why he willingly stuck around for this. He was a good and beautiful person who deserved nothing but praise and love.

I had to come and get you,” Ymir started, coughing her out her leftover laughs, “I just got 5 nights 3 and I really wanted to watch Marco play it. It only seemed fair to invite you into it too.”

He loved Ymir sometimes. “Yeah I just needed a nap, let me get ready.” He glanced over at Marco who was looking away, terrified of the prospect of Jean being there when Ymir forced him to play the newly released horror game. It’s time for payback, Jean thought spitefully.

He got dressed in pajama bottoms and a new sleeveless old t-shirt (he had like 30 from when he played soccer) and hopped into the back of Ymirs 2005 corolla. It was kind of a tradition since they’ve met to spend the first night at Ymirs, just the three of them, in sleepwear and just talk about life and see who could make Marco the most scared. Ymir almost always won (for the past three years) and Marco usually spend the night clutched onto Jean holding on for dear life. He would be lying if he said he didn’t look forward to it every year.

After arriving, they settled into their annual routine; Ymir grabbed the gelato and various assortment of snacks while Marco and Jean set up the blanket for in her room, making sure to hook up the laptop to her TV to add that extra creepy bit of ambiance. Jean ordered the pizza and wings and Marco ordered the Thai food, knowing everyone’s favorites by heart. After nearly putting themselves into a food coma they turned the lights off and watched Marco play the popular horror game, splitting a side every time he screamed. It was funny for about an hour until they all got tired and decided to just do a Tom Hanks marathon. Ymirs dad was obsessed with him, hence why she had nearly all of his movies.

Ignoring the movies that they’ve seen so many times they could write out nearly all of the dialogue to Forrest Gump, they moved on to the topic of graduation and their choices for college. Ymir opted to take two years off, helping her parents run their ice cream shop, Marco deciding to attend the university three hours away from their hometown, and Jean opting to go to the commuter college to be close to his mom. They talked about everything and anything under the sun from Ymir’s coming out story to Jeans breakup with Sasha. The thing that Jean always loved about hanging out with them was that nothing ever got awkward, neither of them judged him, and he didn’t have to worry about them making fun of him seriously. Sure they always poked fun at him, but in the end they all seriously cared about each other. They were almost like long lost siblings.

The night ended with Marco and Jean cuddling on the old inflatable mattress and Ymir playing a trending game on her phone before Jean woke up at 6 and asked her to take him home. Prying Marco off of him, he got his phone and keys and got ready to leave, ready to start his two and a half months of sleeping and being completely useless with his best friends.

* * *

 

Turns out that two and a half months meant one week to his mom because after a week of literally doing nothing but hanging out with his squad and coming home for about 3 hours at a time drove his mom crazy. Even though they weren’t home, she still had to work from home and she was tired of Jean not doing anything meaningful with his life. Anne called Helen, Ymirs mom, and asked her if she needed any help at her shop during the summer. After confirming that yes, she did need help and yes, even Jean would do, he was set up to have a part time job and do something other than driving his mom insane. It wasn’t so bad anyway, Ymir worked there almost full time and he would hang out there when he wasn’t with his family anyway, so how different would working with her be?

He started training on the Monday morning after his mom called Helen and began work an hour later. It wasn’t that hard to get the hang of scooping ice-cream, but he would have to get used to kids crying and screaming when they didn’t the extra scoop of ice cream. That day, Jean Kirstein decided that he would never have children.

Jean was just finishing mopping up a cone that a child threw in frustration towards his parents when a girl and boy around his age walked in. It was a slow day so you couldn’t blame Jean for taking the time to notice now green this guy’s eyes were. It was like his eyes were the gateways to Emerald City (totally not gay at all). He had shaggy brunette hair that looked like it was long overdue for a haircut and perfect tan skin. The boy looked like he had a good two inches on Jean and muscle definition that Jean could only dream of having. The brunette was accompanied by a short blonde girl who was the very definition of conventional beauty, who Jean assumed was his girlfriend. He felt a twinge of jealously at that for some reason, he suspected that it was because he had been single for the better part of a year and a half, but he didn’t want to look too much into it.

“Hey guys welcome to Andersen Creamery, what can I get for y’all?”

The girl smiled at him at looked up at the menu hanging on the wall behind him pensively. “I want a vanilla cone please.”

“Of course! How many scoops?” Jean asked cheerfully, she was like a ray of sunshine that could put anyone in a good mood.”

“Two please, and ugh...” She paused and turned to the brunette, “Eren what do you want?”

So his name was Eren huh?

“I want two scoops of rocky road in a cup” Eren said talking to the girl.

Jean felt almost dismissed, he had a feeling he wouldn’t like this guy if they had to interact on a daily basis. Thank god that they didn’t.

“I’ll get that for you right away.” Jean said getting to work, still in a good mood under the smile of the girl. They were quiet while he scooped up their treat, not really placing too much attention on him. “That’ll be 13.50.” He said placing the finished product in her hand and handing Eren his cup. He watched as the girl pulled out a crisp $50 bill and handed it to him, slightly surprised that 1) she was the one paying and 2) that she had so much cash on hand in the first place. _Figures,_ Jean thought taking the bill, _she’s a rich girl._

“Thank you, Jean!” she paused to read his name as he was giving her her change, dumping all of it into the tip jar sitting near the register.

If Jean had a malicious thought at all about the girl from the second she walked to right now, he would go to every church within a 50 mile radius and repent because he hadn’t been so grateful since he graduated high school.

“Thank you so much!” He practically gawked, getting a giggle out of her.

“It’s no problem.” She reassured him, walking away with the Eren.

 _Today honestly couldn’t get any better._ He thought, wiping down the counter. He only wished Ymir was there to see him get such a huge tip for them his very first day. She could kiss the money she bet with Marco on Jean getting fired his first week goodbye. The only thing that made it better was that she was stuck on bathroom duty while he was counter.

Customers started trickling out until just Eren and his assumed girlfriend were the only ones left, about halfway done with their desserts. Jean pulled out his phone to check his notifications when he heard the door open. He looked up and saw a short blonde boy who had an eerie resemblance to the rich blonde girl when his heart nearly stopped. The world could have gone up in flames and it wouldn’t have mattered because the girl that was giving him the sweetest dream blowjob was standing right at the door of his job! His jaw went slack as she flipped the long black hair that he lusted for so much. She was average height, and wore a red tank top with leggings and boots, and he swore he could see a full 6 pack under that shirt. He was so engrossed in her that Jean almost didn’t notice the skinny blonde boy trying to order his ice cream.

“Excuse me?” The boy asked for the umpteenth time.

“I’m so sorry sir!” Jean snapped from his trance to give him full attention “What can I get you?” he asked considerately.

“I-it’s no problem.” They blonde stuttered, red creeping down from his ears to his face. “I would like a single scoop of chocolate on a cone and sorry could you hold on?” he asked.

“Sure no problem, take your time.” Jean responded

The boy turned around and asked the raven haired girl, whose name he now knew was Mikasa, what she wanted to order. After confirming that she didn’t want anything, he finalized his order and tried to make small talk with Jean while he waited for him to finish.

“So… how long have you been working here?” He asked nervously.

“Believe it or not, this is my first day!” Jean explained in a friendly voice. “My mom wanted me out of the house doing something other than aimlessly bothering her so she set me up here.”

“Well at least now you have something to do!” The boy laughed. “You don’t look like you’re from around here though, we’ll I mean neither are we but we come here pretty often.” He rambled.

“Nah I’m from Trost about 6 hours away, this is my mom’s home town though, we visit here every summer but this is the longest I’ve been out collectively since I’ve come here.” Jean joked hoping to get the blonde to calm down. It seemed to have worked from the way his shoulders visibly relaxed. It was almost comical.

“We’re from about two hours away, I don’t know if you know it though since it has one gas station for all your gas and grocery needs, Reissville?” He asked.

“No I can’t say I do.” Jean answered, a little distracted by Mikasa still. “That’ll be $3.75.” Jean hummed handing the boy his cone and waited as he handed him a wrinkled 5. Jean gave the boy his change expecting him to leave and turning to daydream about Mikasa.

“Um, My name is Armin by the way. Armin Arlert. Those are my friends Mikasa Akerman, Eren Jaeger, and Historia Reiss.” Armin babbled, offering his hand to Jean.

“I’m Jean Kirstein, Nice to meet you guys.” Jean replied, taking Armin’s hand slightly amused that he had given out not only his name but all of his friends. He seemed like the type of guy who talked and ranted on when he was nervous.

“It was nice meeting you too!” Armin smiled, looking like he didn’t want to leave just yet, trying to find anything he could to hold on to the dying conversation.

Jean would have been kind of creeped out if the kid wasn’t so cute. He looked around his age, if not just a little bit younger than him and his friends. He was kind of like that underclassman you took under your wing when you were a senior and you saw someone who looked like a baby fawn.

Armin’s face suddenly lit up, it almost looked like he was trying to hide a grin. “Is that a Mario Kart shirt?” He inquired almost excited.

“Yeah it is actually, how did you know?” Jean replied, kind of freaked out that he knew what the shirt was underneath the apron that covered him.

“It was my favorite Nintendo game back when I was really little.” He confessed looking slightly embarrassed. “It was my first console and gaming platform overall.

“Really now? It was my first too, I can’t really say I played it all too much since I had two games on it at the time.” Jean added half-heartedly, stealing glances over to Mikasa. He was so involved with her that he didn’t notice Eren come up to Armin and snaked his arm around his shoulder.

“You should give it up Armin, this guy isn’t gay, nor does he care about video games. You’re wasting your time.” He interrupted.

Okay, that got Jeans attention. “Excuse me?” He asked. “I don’t think you should be assuming someone’s sexuality, or outing them for that matter.”

“I don’t think you should be giving people false hope while staring at someone else’s sister like they’re a piece of meat.” Eren said raising his voice.

Well that escalated quickly. “Look man no disrespect,” Jean raised his hands, “but I don’t roll that way, I have friends that are gay so I’m not grossed out or anything.” Jean noted Ymir came out of the bathroom, stopping almost instantly to watch what was going on. “And I’m sorry about staring at your sister, she just looks like a girl I had a dream about the other night.”

Something looked like it almost snapped inside Eren. “You’re not like _that_?” Eren asked incuriously “You have _friends_ that are like that so you aren’t grossed out? Well whoop-de-fucking-do. You’re the type of ally we need in the community!” Eren Mocked. “That sounds an awful lot of what a homophobic ‘no homo’ dude bro says when he finds out someone’s gay. You think we all want you dontcha?”

Jean knew he fucked up. Bad, but he had too much pride to just swallow it and say sorry.

“What are you gonna say next? That it’s ok if gay people are gay? As long as they stay the hell away from me!” Eren provoked, stabbing Jean in the chest with each word.

Jean lunged forward and grabbed the collar of Eren’s tank, not noticing how Mikasa stood up and was being held back by Historia. “What the FUCK is your problem?! You don’t fucking know anything about me or my ideals.” Jean pulled him closer, noses almost touching. “So why don’t you stop assuming things about people because you know what they say. It makes an ass out of you.” Jean whispered as he pushed Eren away from him, “and me.” He finished as he turned around, getting ready to end his shift.

Eren grunted falling on the floor. Armin rushed over to him, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him up. “What?” Eren laughed. “Where ya going? Off to meet your pretty girlfriend and give her a promise ring that she’ll probably throw in your face when you find out she’s been cheating on you for the past 5 months?” Eren taunted Jean, not expecting him to practically jump the counter and land a solid punch to him face.

Ymir and Mikasa were by their sides so fast that Eren was only able to land a punch to Jeans stomach, knocking the wind out of him before Ymir pulled him out and shoved him to the back room. Mikasa ran to shield Eren, preparing to return any hit that was thrown his way. Historia ran to look at Eren’s cheek, it was already starting to swell up. Everything happened so fast that from the time it took Ymir to pull Jean off and take him away, Mikasa and Armis were already halfway out the door with Eren in tow.

Jean ran into the back room and sat down on the stool near the freezer, grabbing his stomach and regretting ever getting a part time job in the first place. He could have argued with his mom and help her work, but no. He HAD to say okay to work here because this is where his best friend worked. Just when he thought it couldn’t get worse, Ymir came in looking furious. She was red in the face when she smacked him upside the head and almost knocked over.

“What the FUCK is your problem? You’ve been working here 5 hours and you make an ass of yourself and assault a customer. You deserved that punch, and if he didn’t do it, I would have.” She roared at him.

He didn’t reply, knowing that he full well deserved it. Hell, he deserved to get fired and banned from the Andersen household for life. He felt like shit, physically and emotionally. He wasn’t going to complain about anything that happens to him for a while. That didn’t mean he wasn’t still mad though, that bastard with the homicidal green eyes was still the only thing he could think about. It was a good thing they lived two hours away, because the next time he saw him, he was going to finish what they started.

Ymir might just win that bet after all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean just can't seem to keep his hands off of a certain farm hand.

The next week went by in a blur without any more mishaps. It seemed so surreal to Jean that within two weeks of his usual family vacation his second home became almost like a new life for him. After all, he got a job, that enough was the beginning of a new life. It felt almost permanent; like he would stay there forever and not have to go back to Trost. All in all he enjoyed working with his best friend, even if he got into a full on fist fight the first day there. Ymir was kind enough not to tell her parents or Jeans mom about the fight that could have gotten him arrested had anyone seen. Jean didn’t like to lie, especially to his mom. Hell, he even told her when he lost his virginity to Sasha after he got home only to get a “TMI Jeanbo.” followed by mock vomit noises as she retreated to her bedroom upstairs. He and his mom were really close, she would be his best friend if she wasn’t his mom and nag every time she walked into his room.

It also helped the week go by faster that Marco’s family decided to stay an extra week since both if his parents got an extra week off work to spend a little more time with the family. He didn’t know what he would do if Marco wasn’t there to tell all times he saw Ymir being stupid now that he practically spent all day every day with her. He could always have called him but where’s the fun in that? He should have gotten tired of the gay freckled relatives by now considering they were all worse than having actual siblings around, but it was weirdly nice to be around them; it kind of felt like they were his real time siblings. So it was no surprise how bummed out Jean was when he realized that his best friend had to leave tomorrow morning to go back home.

“Marco you should convince your parents to let you stay to help me keep Ymir in check.” He looked over at Marco trying his best to keep a serious face.

Ymir snorted and pulled Jean into headlock, effectively knocking him off of her bed. “You? Keep _me_ in check? Who was the one who kept your ass from getting fired after only working for 5 hours?” She cupped her hand to her ear and waited for a response from Jean, who was still struggling to get out of her hold. “Yeah me! The person who saved your sorry ass from a beating from your mommy.”

Jean tapped out on the floor and Ymir unhanded him.

“Bitch.” She added as an afterthought.

“Sorry Jesse Pinkman. Say, tell me what it feels like to terrify small children with just your face?” Jean asked rubbing the back of his neck that had turned pink from the prolonged exposure to Ymirs headlock. He would bring up anything, no matter how irrelevant to get her back.

“That was one time Jean goddamn let it go.”

“I can let it go yes, but that little girl will never be able to escape the trauma of your fake nice face.” Jean laughed as he got up to evade the punch to his arm Ymir launched his way.

“I wasn’t even trying to be fake nice.” Ymir mumbled.

“That’s the sad part.” Jean said sympathetically.

“You know kids can smell fear right?” Marco joined in, giggling loudly.

“Shut up, I don’t want to hear it from two homos who haven’t gotten within 30 feet of kids since they were kids themselves.”

“I resent that statement!” Jean snorted. “I, contrary to your beliefs, am not a homo gay.”

“Careful Jean, You don’t want to start another fight because this time,” She paused for effect. “I promise you’ll end up fired and your mom will ship you back to Germany from once you came.”

Jean chucked nervously, unsure if she was kidding or not. Ymir was so much like a mom that it was scary. She may not be good with little kids, but she could get even the most obnoxious pre-teen to shut up and listen.

“So Marco,” Jean said trying to steer the conversation back to his impending departure. “Have you asked your parents?”

“Yeah, you know we have no problem with you staying right? My mom loves you more than she loves me.” Ymir said finishing the rest of her gummy worms.

“I have brought it up before, but you know how they are when it comes to family. Everything has to be done together, like a team.” Marco smiled, imitating his mom’s voice. “I’d be lying if I said I completely hated it, but I wish they would let me stay a bit longer.”

“Well, no use in fighting with them. How about we do something big before you leave? I have work off tomorrow and I made it a week without getting fired so I technically won the bet.” Jean said glancing over at Ymir. “So we should go clubbing or something to celebrate. Ya know, something different than watching Netflix and falling asleep at midnight like nerds.”

“I usually go to sleep before midnight.” Marco answered.

“Like I said, Nerd.” Jean laughed and shoved him playfully. “Ymir, have they built any clubs here since last time we were here?”

“’Fraid not kiddo.” She yawned. “The only club within a 60 mile radius is a bar and grill that old men who used to play football go to watch what could have been and talk about the glory days. It’s quite a tragedy really.”

“I’m going to cry.” Jean sniffed, wiping away a fake tear from his eye. “How are we going to celebrate our baby boy leaving the nest?” He whined as he wrapped his arms around the taller man and pretended to weep.

“You’re gross.” Marco joked as he stroked the back of Jeans head.

“You’re both gross.” Ymir gagged. “In the next town over they have a sports bar with a large dance floor. On Saturday nights they have a discount night for youth under 21.”

“What is this? A function for teenagers that they hold at high schools during major holidays so kids don’t go out drinking?” Jean protested.

“No, It’s to encourage teens to show their real ID’s and keep underage drinking to a minimum since, you know, it is illegal after all. Ymir explained.

“That sounds fun actually.” Marco chimed in. “I don’t really drink anyways, and a change of scenery might be nice before I leave.

“Neeeeeeerd.” Jean mocked half-heartedly. “Whatever floats your boat dude, maybe if you’re lucky you might get laid.” He winked.

“That’s how you get Gonorrhea Jean.” She broke in.

“YOU ALWAYS DO THIS YMIR LET HIM LIVE!” He yelled, throwing his pillow at her.

She caught the pillow against her abdomen, not fazed at all. “Shut up I have a headache.” She stood and turned off the light before walking back to her bed, putting Jeans pillow behind her head. “I’m keeping this by the way.”

“It’s ok, I’ll just share with you.” He wiggled his eyebrows dramatically.

“As long as I’m the big spoon.” She mumbled out sleepily.

“You can share my pillow Jean.” Marco moved aside to make room for his friend. “There’s still some space.”

Jean laughed nervously, avoiding his gaze. “It’s ok Marco, I’ll crash with Ymir, maybe she’ll realize how hot I am and I’ll be the one to turn her straight.”

“You’re still not funny.” Ymir grunted out. “Get up here or get out of my room.”

Jean got up and jumped onto the part of the bed she saved for him “Thanks mom.” Jean beamed pulling the covers up. He was so used to sleeping with her during the summers that it felt weird not to. She had a weird oddity about her that made her so unique. He would never admit this out loud, but when he first met her back in high school (like it was so long ago) he was intimidated by her. She had resting bitch face and had a good 5 inches on him at the time. To be honest she truly terrified him like no other. It was really hard to let loose around her at first, then she opened her mouth. The first thing that she said to Jean was “Why is your hair two different colors? Do you not love yourself?” And the snark has not stopped coming since. He would also never admit that having her around made his life so much nicer, he wasn’t only stuck with one best friend and his girlfriend at the time, he got outside perspective to problems that neither Marco or Sasha could provide for him. She didn’t have a bias when it came to dealing with him and his high school drama, even though they were the same age she still seemed so much wiser than him; but that might be because Ymir doesn’t have a heart or care about anything.

He turned around facing the wall, trying to relax and let this exhaustion lull him to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

After sleeping in far longer than they all should have, they had lunch and got ready before they all piled into Ymir’s 2007 Nissan Camry and began the half hour journey to Bee Garden; the only thing to closely resemble a club in the neighboring town of Rose. The first half of the ride there consisted of Marco and Jean pointing out the many fast food restaurants that lined the exit and middle of Maria and singing along to all of the pop music Marco had on his phone. In 15 minutes they counted 6 McDonalds, 4 Dairy Queens, and 2 Wendy’s, and sang along to Stupid Hoe twice before Ymir threatened to throw them out for abuse of a perfectly good song. After exiting the town they fell into a comfortable silence where Ymir pulled up Bastille’s Bad Blood album on her phone. This is the part that Jean loved about being on the road. He didn’t necessarily like driving, in fact, if he could avoid it at all times then he would. It took him three tries to pass his driving test just because the first two times he convinced his mom that he didn’t need to actually take the tests the scheduled days. The third time she finally dragged him out and made him take it. He passed with a fairly good grade and hasn’t been able to get out of driving since. He lived for the times when he could just sit back while someone else drove and watch the world outside pass him by while he thought. Even when it got dark with no street lights to illuminate the countryside he continued to look out and collect his thoughts on the past week.

It didn’t take long after entering Rose to get to the bar. Ymir set the car into park and turned around to debrief the guys.

“Don’t act too stupid and don’t get into a fight.” She looked at Jean. “Also don’t get AIDS.” She said before opening the door to get out of her car.

“Why you gotta judge me like that?” Jean asked, kind of offended that she would assume he would contract an STD. “Look man I’m just trying to be sexy and get laid is that too much to ask for?” Jean unbuckled his seat belt and stepped out of the car

“You have to be sexy in order to get laid Jean.” She kindly informed him.

“Yeah Jean, people have to be notice you before they fight or sleep with you. The way your relationships have been going they might happen at the same time.” Marco laughed, shutting the door.

“That was _one_ time Marco let it go.” He signed. “I don’t even know why I hang out with y’all, you’re both so salty.”

“Because you don’t have friends Jean and Sash and Con don’t count.” Marco smiled, placing his hand on Jeans shoulder to lead him to the entrance of the bar.

At first glance the bar looked like any franchise you would find in every city; flat screen TV’s lining the walls near surrounding the bars with one huge TV behind the bar, little knickknacks and posters lining the walls with pictures of state representatives and other “celebrities” that have visited the bar over the years along the grill portion of the bar and grill, and cute waitresses in tight fitting clothes walking around greeting guests.

As soon as they walked in they were greeted by a cute server with pig tails that perfectly fell along her shoulders and freckles. “Welcome to Bee Garden Grill and Bar how can I help y’all today?” She asked them in the most genuinely cheery voice Jean had heard since he first heard Historia speak a week ago.

“Um, yea hi.” Jean greeted back, her attitude contagious.

“Were here for the club weekend thing you guys do.” Marco chimed in looking around. “We are at the right place right?” He asked, worried they might have gone to the wrong location.

“Yes this is the place, you guys are a bit early though. We’re still setting up, but feel free to take a seat at any one of the tables and I’ll come get you guys when they’re all set up.” She pointed to the dining area behind her and led them to a table.

They took a seat and expressed their thanks before she turned around to take her leave. Jean took notice of the way her light wash skinny jeans hugged her lower body almost perfectly. He could appreciate that it looked like she really took care of herself and liked to work out. You can’t get a butt like that with hoping and praying.

“How long do you think it would take me to convince her to spend the night with me after her shifts over?” He asked no one in particular, still not taking his eyes off of the girl.

“Well, in your dreams it would take 6 years and two college degrees, but since we’re in real life it probably won’t happen.” Ymir answered absent mindedly while watching the baseball game.

“You don’t even like sports Ymir.” Marco said.

“Yeah Ymir, why are you trying so hard to read the subtitles, you can’t even read.” Jean spat at her collecting his high five from Marco.

She smirked, side eyeing him. “You think you’re so funny. You’re on your own kid.”

Before Jean could ask what she meant the cute waitress from earlier came back to check up on them. “I’m sorry about the wait guys but it should be all set up soon. Do you guys want anything to drink in the meantime?” She asked them, radiating sunshine as she spoke.

“I’ll have water with lemon in it.” Ymir said.

“Yeah same here.” Marco agreed

Jean thought about his order for a second. “I’ll have a coke please.” He smiled at her.

“That’ll be two waters and a coke? Coming right up.” She left and returned shortly with their drinks.

“Slow night?” Jean asked in an attempt to make conversation with her.

“Like you would not believe! You guys are the first people who aren’t men over 50 to come into this place all week.” She complained smoothing out her apron.

“Is it always like this?” Jean looked around. “Kinda gloomy?”

“Not usually, we have families on road trips come in here all the time and on the weekends it gets packed with kids from neighboring towns. Where are you guys from?”

“Well, I’m from a town about six and a half hours away but I stay in Maria during the summers. I’m Jean by the way and these are my friends Marco and Ymir.”

“Well hello Jean and Marco! My name’s Mina.” She shook both of their hands and reached for Ymirs pausing when their hands met “I could have sworn I’ve met you before.” She said curiously.

“I’ve see you around the creamery in Maria a few times, plus I’ll come here sometimes when enough people drag me out.”

“Oh! Andersen Creamery! I love that place!” She beamed.

“Thanks! Maybe we’ll see you soon.”

“Definitely, I don’t go into Maria often, but my-“ She was cut off by a party of 12 teens that looked around their age. “I better go.” She said pointing to the group behind her. “We’re low on staff right now, I’ll be right back with your drinks!”

As soon as she left Marco and Ymir burst into laughter, making Jean kind of mad. He started feeling like they were laughing at his expense. Which, wouldn’t be very out of the usual, but for some reason it seemed to really be bothering tonight.

He opened his mouth to say something but got distracted by her leading them to a table close to theirs. They we're all dressed similarly to how Ymir and Marco were dressed. The majority of the mean had skinny jeans with a button down shirt and some type of trendy jacket on. The girls were wearing short cocktail dresses with at least 7 inch heels. How could someone walk in those let alone dance in those monstrosities. He would never understand why someone would voluntarily want to wear heels.

Ymir and Marco soon stopped laughing and the three of them soon fell into a lazy conversation about nothing in particular. They ordered appetizers from the bar as they watched the place fill up with more and more youth. Everyone had to have been younger than 25 and soon, the entire place was filled with little groups of friends laughing and seemingly having a good time. As they finished their appetizers Jean took out his phone and checked the time. 9:30 P.M.

As if on cue, Mina walked to the center of the room and called everyone to attention. “Excuse me guys! Sorry to bother Y’all but the club room is ready to be used. You guys can follow Hannah on over to it.” She pointed to a smiling redhead across the room close to the entrance of the bar. “Have fun everyone!”

As everyone was getting up to leave, Jean stayed behind, telling Marco that he was going to leave a tip for Mina, because she was so nice and attentive to them. He looked around and found her cleaning off a table. He combed his hand through his hair and checked his breath, making sure he was ok before making his way to approach her.

“Hey Mina, thanks for waiting in on us tonight.” He said handing her a $20 bill.

“Oh no thank you for this!” She pocketed the bill. “You guys are really patient and understanding so it was nice to have that type of customer.”

“I was wondering…” He shoved his hands in his pocket, noticing how big her eyes were for the first time that night. “What time do you get off of your shift? Maybe we can hang out and dance?”

“Oh, well...” She started, looking around awkwardly. “Look, you’re really nice and all but, I’m 26 with a child so…. ”

He felt like an idiot “I’m so sorry! I um, I’m gonna go now.” He waived a goodbye before sprinting to where he saw the heard of people go just a few minutes before, face still heated from being so completely stupid.

“So how’s Jaime doing Jean? Ymir asked, standing near the entrance of the dance room.

Jean jumped at his name, startled that she was there waiting for him. “Jesus Christ Ymir were you waiting for me? And who the hell is Jaime?”

“That’s her sons name, which I’m sure you know by making by making a joke of yourself.” She smiled pettily at him.

“You knew about this and let me make an ass of myself? Truly a best friend.” He said sarcastically, rolling his eyes and refusing to look Ymir in the face.

“Who can’t read now Jean, at least I can read the mood.” She grabbed him by the arm and led him to the bouncer at the door swiftly flashing her her ID and walked in with Jean in tow.

The amount of people in the club room was at least double what was waiting in the dining area of the bar. The dance floor looked like something you could find at a wedding, brown wooden dance area elevated slighty into the air, separate bar containing both alcoholic and nonalcoholic beverages, and a DJ at the far end of the room with an apple laptop who looked barley older than Jean. He was wearing a pair of huge headphones and holding one side up to his head and bobbing his head up and down to some remix of a Beyoncé song. The guy was so into doing his own thing that he didn’t notice they weren’t plugged in to anything, but it didn’t go unnoticed by everyone else. All of the kids on the dance floor were dancing with one hand up to their ears and bobbing their heads up and down in mock of the poor guy. Teenagers are so mean.

Jean spotted Marco by the bar area of the dance floor and made his way over to him. He looked so much like a greaser in his leather jacket and slicked back hair. Jean would have made fun of him if not for the fact that he could pull it off really well in a 2nd grader posing for a Halloween picture way. Ymir was dressed similarly except she had her hair tied back into a low ponytail. They looked so much alike that it was almost scary.

“Crash and burn babe?” Marco cooed.

“You talk a lot for someone who knows ASL.” Jean said as he took Marcos drink and finished it for him. Marco signed something that Jean was pretty sure meant “asshole” but chose to ignore it.

After being shot down he wasn’t really in the best of moods. His self-esteem was bruised, the first time he actually made an attempt to hit on somebody since his break up with Sasha and that’s how it goes. He kind of wanted to turn around and go home then but he remembered why they were there in the first place: it was Marcos last day and they wanted to send him off with a bang.

Jean smiled at him. “I’m sorry Marco, this should be about you! You’re leaving back home tomorrow and I’m gonna miss you when you leave me here alone with your twin buddy.”

“We don’t even look alike.” Ymir snorted.

“Why don’t we all go and do what we were supposed to do.” He stood and pulled Marco along by the sleeve of his, Ymir following closely behind them.

A remix mashup version of popular Top 40’s came on and soon, almost everyone in the club was singing and dancing along to the music. Jean lost himself in the music dancing close to his friends.

“Baby I’m preyin’ on you tonight night night hunt you down eat you aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiive.” He sang.

Just as the song was getting to Jeans favorite part, he noticed a familiar face in the crowd across the club. He changed his pace to a minimum and got a closer look of the girls he thought looked familiar. It took him a bit of moving around the people in his way before he realized it was Mikasa he was looking at. As soon as he realized who it was he felt a wave of guilt wash over him. He wasn’t sorry for punching Eren, but he did feel bad that he basically assaulted her brother. She looked ready to jump in the fight to help out Eren before they were broken up. He started dancing his way across the club, determined to apologize to her for assaulting Eren he got there. It took him a while to get across the dance floor with everyone dancing and grinding on each other. He was almost to Mikasas side of the club when an acquainted mop of blonde hair appeared in from of him.

“Jean? Jean is that you?” he tried to yell over the music.

Jean looked down, realizing he almost ran into him. “Oh hey! You’re the friend from the Creamery, Historias friend!”

“Yeah, it’s Armin by the way.” He smiled, seemingly unaffected by Jean forgetting his name.

“Armin yeah! Sorry, I’ve met a lot of people over the past week.” Jean leaned closer to Armin’s face, not noticing the way Armin in the dark of the club. “I’m really sorry about punching your friend and cutting your visit so short.”

“It’s no problem, but Mikasa was kind of upset that Eren provoked it and got hurt.” He informed Jean.

“Yeah I also feel bad about that. Is there any chance that she’ll forgive me if I apologize to her?”

“There might be, but you would have to be genuine and probably also say you’re sorry to Eren if you want her complete forgiveness.”

Jean cringed at the thought of sucking up his pride enough to apologize to that jerk just to get good with his sister, but, who was he to fight with true love?

“Can I start with Mikasa?” he asked shyly as the pace of the music started to pick up.

“Yeah, she’s over there, let me take you to her.” He turned to lead Jean to her.

“I owe you one bro!” He followed until he was three feet away from her, panicking because he hasn’t thought through this far.

She turned around and, for a split second looked really surprised until she processed it was him and glared. She did not look amused. He wanted to turn around and run but knew that it was either now or never. Tonight was not his night. His face must have reflected how we felt because her glare softened ever so much.

“Look…” He leaned in as close as the thought was safe. “I’m really sorry about what happened last week. I was way out of line and I had no right to hit him regardless of who initiated the fight verbally. I lost my temper with him and that is no excuse. I don’t usually pick fights and I’m not a violent person so I honestly don’t know what came over me that day, I don’t know why he got to me so much. I’m just really sorry for hitting your little brother Mikasa.” He rambled about everything he felt hoping that it was enough. At that point, he just wanted to get that incident off of his chest, her forgiving him was a bonus. A big bonus. She looked up at him, face showing no signs of anger. She looked like she was going to reply when a voice interrupted her.

“What they hell are _you_ doing here?” Jean heard someone yell. Both his and Mikasas heads snapped around and saw Eren walking towards them with Historia close by.

“Eren calm down, he came by to apologize.” Mikasa attempted, trying to calm him down.

“No! It’s not okay. It wasn’t enough that you assaulted me in your fucking ice cream shop so you stalked us here? Are you just looking for another fight?” Eren continued walking past Mikasa until he was a foot away from Jean.

Jean raised both his hands in an attempt of peace while Mikasa tried to get in between them. “Chill dude, I was just here with some friends and I happened to notice your sister so I wanted to come and apologize.”

Eren threw his head back and barked out a laugh. “What? Apologize? You probably just wanted to stick it in her, that’s all you straight guys think about right? Sex? Well you can turn your ass around and go right back to Maria because no one fucking believes you.” He said as he shoved Jean.

Jean stumbled backwards and quickly regained his footing. A few people around them starting to stare, curious as to what was going on. It was the absolute fucking perfect night to end a shitty week. He was forced to get a job, almost got fired from said job in the first five hours he was there for fighting with some dick, his best friend was leaving to go back home, and now he sees the jerk that started this entire thing.

Jean decided that he didn’t have any more patience for the night and shoved Eren back harder than he had done before. If it wasn’t for Armin catching him, he would have fallen on his ass. Eren almost looked shocked, eyes going from deer caught in the headlights to homicidal in a split second.

Before he knew it, Eren was on top of him, hands grabbing at the collar of his shirt, threating to rip it. Jean grabbed both of Erens fists and tore them off of him, flipping onto his back and pinned him to the floor. Jean struck the first punch to Erens face, only slightly missing his nose when Eren turned his face to the side. As he pulled his arm up to deal the second blow his hand was caught by the bouncer who they passed by earlier in the night. She grasped his hand firmly and pulled him back off of Eren, who was then helped up by Mikasa. The DJ had stopped the music and by then, the entire crowd was looking at them, talking in a gossipy manner amongst themselves. Some people actually had their phones out recording the fight in the terrible lighting inside the club. Jean looked around trying register what actually just happened, still high off of the adrenaline rush that hit him when he hit Eren.

“Jean!”

He turned around at the call of his name and found Ymir and Marco making their way past the crowd towards him.

“What the –“ Ymir started, but cut herself off when she saw Eren being examined by his friends. Even in the clubs shitty lighting she could see the early formation of a nasty bruise across his right cheek.

“Are you ok?” Marco asked as he started an examination of his own. “You didn’t get hurt did you?” He grabbed Jean by the shoulders and looked around his body with extreme worry.

“You better hope he’s ok, because when the police get here, they’re both going to need it.” The bouncer said as she started dialing on her flip phone.

A collective panic swept through everyone involved in the ordeal. Everyone looked at each other as the gossip is the crowd grew louder.

“Look two kids just got into a little scuffle, it’s really not that bad please can you let this slide?” Armin tried to convince her to not call the police.

“Sorry kid,” She said putting the phone to her ear. “We got a strict zero tolerance policy against violence on the premises. This is supposed to be a safe place for you kids, not like every other club in the country.” She finished as she started talking in to the phone, probably reporting the fight.

“Jean looked over at Ymir who was talking to Historia and Mikasa, then over to Eren. They locked eyes and in that instance, knowing what had to be done. They both nodded at each other in agreement of a truce, eyes glancing towards the door and back to each other. Jean closed his eyes in a deep breath and opened his eyes to see Eren mirroring him, prepping themselves for what was to come.

In the blink of an eye Eren was gone, bolting towards the door at full speed with Jean following closely behind him. They ran out the door with shouts of threats from the bouncer pursuing them as he ran past Mina and everyone else in the bar.

They kept running for what seemed like forever. His heart was pounding in his chest and his legs felt like they were cramping at every step he took, keeping up with Eren proved to be difficult. He was used to exercising regularly, even going bike riding for a few miles every day for stress relief, but he had to admit the annoying mop head was on an entirely different level. He had the most perfect running position if Jean had ever seen one, and he looked like he was pacing himself. They ran through a series of neighborhoods, turning every few stop sighs and eventually jumped the fence of an old beat down house. Jean was about to continue running before Eren grabbed the end of his cardigan and forced him to sit down beside him.

“Shhhh!” The brunette held a finger to his mouth. “Stop breathing so hard, you’ll alert someone to where we are.”

Jean slapped his hand away, annoyed and out of breath. “Don’t… tell me what to do.” He panted in-between words.

Eren slapped him back, beyond tired of Jean always being the one to land the first hit on him. He turned to look at the other boy with a warning in his eyes. Jean slapped him back lightly, like a child who’s testing their limits in front of their parents. Erens eyebrow twitched slightly and hit Jean back a bit harder than he had the first time. He was met by Jean trying to block his hand and slapping him in return. One hand turned to two as the pace of the slaps got faster. They both turned their faces away at each other as the fight moved upwards and closer to their faces. It went on for about a minute before Jean grabbed both of Erens hands and pulled them to his chest.

“Eren.” He pleaded, “Please, let’s just stop this.”

Eren pulled his hands away from Jean and slumped back on the fence in agreement. He looked almost as tired as Jean felt. He slumped back meeting Erens shoulder in the middle.

The fact that both their bodies were touching would have bothered Jean if he wasn’t so _tired._ It was God knows what hour in the middle of the night and he was hiding out in the backyard of some abandoned house, that he was _sure_ was haunted with the kid he just got into his third fight with in the span of a week. Life doesn’t get better than this does it?

They both sat there against each other with their backs resting against the fence and listened the sounds of their surroundings. The moon illuminated the backyard just enough for Jean to see the overgrown grass and trash that was collected over time of punks that gathered there from time to time. The house was decorated with multiple gang signs and tagging of names of all kinds. He could barely made out the crude “J hearts H” letters scrabbled out in dark blue spray paint against the chipping paint of the falling house. The crickets chirped in the summer heat, leaves rusting every now and then when a breeze would roll through.

Both of their breathing had evened out as they continued to lean against each other silently. The quiet that enveloped them was peaceful and Jean fell pensive, wondering if he should take the opportunity now that they were both too tired to even move to apologize to him. At this point, it wasn’t even about winning Mikasa over anymore. He started the fights and the struck first punch twice, it was an asshole thing to do, even if they were just going to end up fighting anyways.

“Do you know what time it is? It’s getting kind of late.” He asked. He couldn’t swallow his pride enough to outright apologize. He felt even more like and ass than before.

Eren replied in a snort. “You hit me and then ask me for things?” He took out his phone anyway, flashing his screen to Jean so he could see the time.

He whistled, noticing how his lock screen was an artist rendering of what seemed to be him and his friends. “Wow, 3:00 A.M already? Time flies when you’re having fun huh?” He forced a laugh.

“Wow Jean, you are so funny.” Eren replied dryly. “How could my sister NOT fall for you? I mean you’re so cool.

“Look, I know I’m an asshole and…” He paused for a bit before he could gather up the courage to continue. “I’m honestly really sorry Eren.” He turned to look at Eren, breath hitching when he was met with those eyes. Even in the dead of night his eyes stood out like no other. Not even actual emeralds shone so bright.

The other teen’s eyes searched Jeans, looking for the sincerity in his voice, gaze never wavering.

“I didn’t mean to be creepy by staring at Mikasa or hurt Armins feelings by ignoring him. I didn’t even notice I was doing either and I know it isn’t an excuse. I over reacted when you got in my face and shouldn’t have gotten physical.” Jean never broke eye contact.

Eren stayed silent for a moment, unsure of how to respond. He looked away, eyes searching the overgrown grass as if they held the answer. After what Jean guessed was a few minutes, Eren sighed and brushed his fingers through his sweat soaked hair.

“You’re still an asshole.” Eren murmured, pulling his knees to his chest and hugging them tightly. He looked almost like a child. “I guess I’m sorry too. I’m not gonna lie I was lookin’ for a fight all week. I’ve just been really stressed lately and your face pissed me off so I wanted to punch it.” He chuckled lightly.

“What the fuck?! Here I was feeling bad that I started fighting with you out of nowhere when this entire time you had it out for me?” He stopped leaning on Eren to look him in the face.

“What can I say, you were an easy target.” Eren laughed as Jean punched his shoulder, knocking him sideways onto the ground.

“Fuck you man. This is worse than the time I broke my ex-girlfriends nose.” He said under his breath.

Eren stopped laughing at the last comment, the beginnings of the usual scrawl Jean saw him with adorning his face.

“Look man it’s not what you think.” He cursed under his breath. “We got into a tickle fight and I warned her to let go and I swung and she got caught in the crossfire.” Jean paused for a bit, recanting his words. Those were not the best choice of words to defend himself. “What I meant is that I can’t control my movements when I get tickled. I freak out and start jerking every which way to escape the hold and I told her and she didn’t listen so she got a broken nose.”

“Wow, not only are you an asshole, but you’re an abusive asshole.”

Jean snorted and started playing with the ends of his jeans. “You’re such a bully.” He said softly.

“What are you gonna do Jean? Tell your mom on me?” Eren teased, smile once again creeping onto his face.

“Dude don’t even go there my mom would kick your ass, my ass, Mikasas ass, and her own ass she’s crazy man don’t provoke her.” He grabbed Erens shoulders, warning him with his eyes.

Eren laughed and swatted Jeans hands away. “You know my name not my story. You don’t know my struggles so don’t touch me.” He said in the most serious face he could muster.

They looked at each other for a solid 15 seconds before Jean broke the silence and burst into a laughing fit. Eren followed suit, hunching over and grabbing his sides, wheezing at the joke that just came out of his mouth. They once again fell into a quiet silence as their giggles subdued. The conversation picked back up again when Eren asked Jean why he’s never seen him around Maria before this week. He mostly questions about Jeans past of what happened to Sasha and his family.

“What about you?” Jean asked. “I come every summer and I see a fair amount of people, so why haven’t I seen you?”

“That’s because I live in Reissville about an hour south of Maria, I only go into town every so often when we all want to hang out away from the ranch.”

“What the hell is Reisville?” Jean had been to Maria and around all of his life, but never once heard of a neighboring town of that name.

“It’s a city named after my friend’s ranch. You remember Historia? The short blonde girl I’m always with?” Jean nodded. “Well, her dad owns the largest ranch in the country and donated a lot to school districts and churches and stuff so when they expanded to make a new city they named it after him.”

Eren laughed when he saw Jeans jaw drop.

“Telling people that never gets old!” He said starting to laugh again.

“People like that actually exist? How the hell did you make friends with someone like that anyway?” Jean asked exasperatedly.

“Well, when you live in Conservative County and you’re one of the only gay kids within a 60 mile radius you learn stay in a pack to keep safe.” He looked down, smile disappearing from his face. “We met when I was looking for a part time job to kill some time and I was hired there. We worked alongside each other for the longest time and we instantly clicked. I was the only guy on the farm who didn’t try to hit on her and she wanted nothing to do with me romantically, so it was kind of nice.”

“And I thought I was a gay magnet.” Jean joked, trying to lighten up the mood.

“Yeah that’s not funny, I don’t know who reinforced those shitty jokes of yours but you should really stop.”

Jean winced, “Sorry, I become even more of a dick when I’m nervous. I know this is what everyone says but I’m really not a homophobe. My best friends are gay and I honestly couldn’t be luckier to have them.” He paused, unsure of whether to continue with where he was going. He sighed, deciding that if there was anyone who wouldn’t judge him, it would be Eren. They probably wouldn’t even see each other again after that night. “To be honest, I don’t even know if I’m fully straight.” He saw the other perk up at what he just said. “I’ve been questioning myself for a while, but decided I was straight after I started dating my ex, and started questioning again when we broke up and I was starting to notice guys again. Being confessed to by my best friend really threw me off because he was a guy, a perfectly attractive guy, but I just didn’t feel that way for him. I thought, ‘Hey you know, if you don’t like Marco, you probably don’t like guys!’ but it wasn’t that simple. I try not to think about it too much. I’ll leave that for when I leave to college in a couple of months.” He looked down trying to avoid eye contact with him.

“Wait how old are you? You must be really old if you’re leaving to college in a few months.” Eren asked.

“I’m 18. You know, 18 year olds sometimes go to college.” He felt himself loosen up, relieved Eren didn’t pester him further about it.

“You assaulted a minor twice!”

Jean snapped his head at Eren, completely dumbfounded. “Bullshit! How old are you?”

“17, I’m a senior in high school starting this August.” Eren said smugly, smiling mischievously.                                                                                                                    

“Oh my God I really did hit a kid.” He slumped further down the fence, letting the fact that he punched a teenager soak in.

“Nah don’t worry about it. I deserved to get my ass handed to me by someone other than Mikasa. I was being a big whiney baby.”

“You could have fooled me, you look at least 19 with your build.”

“Years of farm work.” Eren smiled.

“Do you think anyone’s gonna find us? Ymir is probably gonna ditch me.”

As if on cue Erens phone beeped, notifying him that he’d received a text message. He glanced down and quickly read its contents. “Well as a matter of fact, Mikasa just texted me that they’re on their way to get us.” He typed up a quick response and pocked his phone.

“We might want to move to the front of the house then so they can actually see us.” Jean got up and offered a hand to Eren. He took Jeans hand and pulled him back down to where he was sitting. Eren got up with a grin and ran off to the front of the house, successfully jumping the gate once again. Jean got up and ran after him, promising to get him back.

When they got to the front of the house they sat on the curb of the street and made idle conversation about nothing in particular. It didn’t feel like they were talking for very long when the headlights of Ymirs car pulled up to the house, parking near the empty lot inside the house. Marco was the first to bolt out of the car and run to Jean, his freckled relative opted to stay in the car. Not far behind was Historias red pick-up truck. It looked like it was made for some heavy duty farm work. Jean turned to the brunette boy to say his goodbyes until he noticed he was gone. He heard a distressed call for help and turned his head to see Mikasa all but hogtie Eren to the back of the truck before slamming the door and taking off in an instant.

Marco escorted him to the back of the car. Almost immediately after shutting the door Ymir started laughing, thanking him for a night to remember but promising to make the next work day hell for leaving her to deal with cops for an hour. He listened for a good two minutes before laying down across the backseat and closed his eyes, thinking about the events of tonight.

It was by far the weirdest night of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was kind of hard for me to write since I got writers block in the middle of it. I was able to finish it up in a way I liked though. Yeah I actually modeled Reissville off of Kingsville in Texas, not exactly but I thought it was a good idea at the time, and I still do. I'm having so much fun with this fic and I'm glad I decided to go with this one for my first time. I have so many ideas floating around for how to write the next three chapters so I'm looking forward to getting to that. I still don't know if I'm going to write full on sex yet since I've never written it before but the rating will definitely go up within the next chapter for gay boys being gay. Thanks for reading and leaving kudos for this it's actually really really encouraging to see when I'm going through a hard time writing this. If you guys have any suggestions for me please leave them! I would love to hear your thoughts on this!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which this fic gets a more mature rating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote sexual activity for the first time so I hope you enjoy it! Also side note: I did base Reisville off of Kingsville in Texas.

The aftermath of Marcos last night was slow and painful. The entire way back Jean hung on the thread of being completely knocked out and hopelessly awake. Ymir and Marco took it upon themselves to punish Jean in place of his mother by making sure he was as uncomfortable and disheveled as possible for the next couple of hours. After Jean and his sparring partner ditched their friends the police had shown up and questioned everyone for a straight hour on their whereabouts and where they might have gone. After getting nowhere the owner and bouncer decided that it was enough to kick them out of the club and seek out further discipline should they ever return.

Upon arriving to Maria the cousins began ignoring Jean while making him help Marco prepare to leave in just a few hours. He then concluded it was the worst feeling in the world to have your best friend who you weren’t going to see for months ignore you and give you the cold shoulder up until just right before he left.

At 9:00 A.M. sharp they escorted Marco out of the house and helped pack everything in the trunk. Marco started talking to Jean again and pulled him in for the type of hug Marco was best at; the kind of embrace and touch you would expect your huge dog to give you after you’ve had a really hard day. Jean held on for a few seconds longer than usual before Marco pulled back, hands lingering on his arms.

“I’m gonna miss you for a while.” He smiled.

“We literally do this every year you crybaby.” Jean laughed, pulling him in for a second hug. He was the one who pulled back first this time and watched Marco make his way to Ymir.

“I’ll skype you tonight you giant freak.” He gave her a quick hug and a kiss on the check then made his way back to the car, opening the door and settling in. His parents finishing up their departing words to Ymirs parents and before they knew it, Marco and his parents were gone for the summer. After waving goodbye to their friend, Ymir and Jean walked back into her home, determined to catch up on the sleep they so very much deserved.

 

The next two weeks passed by dreadfully slow. Even though he was glad that he had something to do during his free time and liked talking to the customers, he felt like he was settling back into the routine vacation that he usually falls into when he goes to visit his granny. The only difference now was that he had a bit more money to spend whenever he went shopping with her.

He loved spending time with her whenever she wasn’t too tired. She was getting old and little everyday tasks were getting harder and harder for her. His mom even went so far as to suggest that she move in with them when they went back in August, but she flat out refused. She had built her life there; she married and raised a child in Maria. Even if it cost her her comfort, she would not give up her independence. Lately it was starting to become more apparent to him that he might not really have much longer with her around. She was getting sick more frequently and what used to be a little cold could end up as something more serious if left untreated. The thought scared him, he lost his dad when he was in middle school and he spend the better half of a year trying to be okay enough just to function again. The only reason he was able to make it through was because he didn’t want to stress his mom out more than was necessary. Losing a family member when you don’t have many to begin with wasn’t the best feeling in the world, so he didn’t want to think about losing another one. Keeping busy did defiantly help, but he would eventually start to wander about the green eyed idiot who he never seemed to get away from.

It was almost frightening how well they were able to get along when they actually sat down and talked. Granted they were too tired to even start arguing, but it still bothered him for some reason. Whenever he let his guard down, his thoughts were consumed of the brunette farm hand, he found himself asking questions about his life like what his favorite book was or why he was always so angry. He had an aggressive fire about him, but the night they sat side by side the fire turned to that of something else. Jean couldn’t quite put words to it, but it was an emotion he didn’t experience all too often. The closest feeling he could describe it as (although he would never admit it) was when he first started dating Sasha. He wasn’t quite crazy about her at first, but as the days went by all he could think about was the long chestnut hair with the most beautiful brown eyes to match. Even though he felt far from that now, he could still remember vividly how good it felt to feel that way about someone. The only problem now was, it wasn’t a cute girl with a slight food obsession, but a straight up guy who, well, was a guy. It had occurred to him on many occasion that he too, like many of his friends, liked the occasional guy, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to admit that to himself yet.

Just as Jean was trying to convince himself that what he felt for Eren wasn’t the early stages of a crush the bell atop the door rang, notifying him of another customer. He looked up to see two familiar faces greet him in the usual smiles they had plastered on their faces. He couldn’t help but smile as he greeted them by name. “Hey! Historia and Armin! How are you guys?”

Armin perked up ever so slightly and waved his hand enthusiastically. “Hey Jean! Busy time?” He asked looking around the creamery noticing that it was mostly filled with other youth.

“Kinda but not too bad, you looking for someone Historia?” He asked, noticing she was looking around.

“No.” She answered distractedly, still looking around. “Just browsing.” She smiled.

“Well, what can I get you for?” He asked. Armin ordered a cup of plain vanilla while Historia ordered the day’s special, chocolate ice cream with M&M’s crushed in. They both kept him company at the front of the line while a steady stream of customers trickled into the shop. Once the flow of people came to a pause he was free to converse with them. Armin was halfway done with his treat and Historias was starting to melt. He would have been a little concerned with her daydreaming if she didn’t look so content being so spaced out, but it was just a passing thought as he became more involved with Armin over their favorite songs and types of music. He was pleasantly surprised to find out that they both loved the same bands and songs. It was nice to find someone you can have an in depth conversation about how 2007 Fall Out Boy is so much different to 2015 Fall Out Boy.

Talking about music from his punk rock phase could only distract him so long before thoughts of Eren started resurfacing. He was beginning to feel like Historia looked. He nodded where he felt was necessary and agreed where he thought was appropriate, halfheartedly listening to the very enthusiastic blonde. After listening to Armin rant for a while, a silence bordering on awkward arose in their conversation and Jean was wondering if he should take the little gap to ask about how Eren was doing, wondering if we was even still alive after how furious Mikasa was when she grabbed him.

“So Jean, I was wondering… how long are you staying in Maria for?” Armin broke the silence once again, looking down at his ice cream.

“Until mid-August, why?” He was kind of surprised that he knew Jean was just visiting, but shook it off after concluding that Eren must have told him.

“Well I know Eren told you that we were entering our senior year soon and we’re all really excited and kind of bummed that this’ll be our last year all together before we all move on with our lives so I kind of figured, Why not have a little gathering mid-summer? It’ll be a change to relax and see each other before we’re all stressed about post high school life.” He breathed, having said everything in one breath. He looked almost relieved that he was finally able to ask Jean.

“That sounds like fun, but I’m kind of confused. If this is for all of you guys that’ll be graduating together then why am I invited?” He asked. He was genuinely confused, why invite the guy that he’d not only just met, but the guy that ruined everyone’s fun Saturday night by getting the cops involved. He wasn’t even drunk that time.

Armin looked panicked and Jean immediately felt bad. He put some kid who had a crush on him on the spot with no chance to get out. His face turned red and opened his mouth slightly before he closed it shut again, completely at a loss for words.

“We decided since we keep running into you guys, why not invite y’all? It might even help you and Eren to develop a relationship aside from enemies.” She said. Sending a sympathetic look at Armin.

“Oh c’mon, we’re at _least_ frenemies now.” He chuckled at his own lame joke. “But, ugh, us?”

“Ymir’s invited too! She was a big help to us when the cops showed up and did most of the talking. She’s a world class actress!”

Ymir walked out of the back and made her way to where the three of them were standing as if she were summoned and put her arm around Jean. “What’s going on here?” She feigned innocence. “Oh! Hey Historia! Hey Armin! What are you guys doing here?”

Jean snorted, he was starting to understand where this entire situation was headed. “They invited us to a party at Armins place. You wanna go?”

“Sure,” She said looking directly at Historia. “When?”

“Tomorrow, we were actually looking at who we texted and realized that we didn’t have your numbers so we decided to come by and ask y’all in person.” She smiled at Ymir. It was almost as if Jean and Armin weren’t there.

“We’ll be there.” Ymir took the liberty of answering for the both of them. She unhooked her arm from Jean and took out her phone. “Let me give you my number so that if anything changes you can give us a text. After they all exchanged phone numbers they said their goodbyes and prepared for tomorrows festivities.

* * *

 

Ymir received a text from Historia at around 4 in the afternoon the next day to kindly inform her that they can start making their way to Reisville for the party. Armin had texted Jean the address to his house along with all of the other information right after they left the creamery. Most of the time before they left was dedicated to picking out an outfit to wear, Ymir taking far longer to choose than Jean. After watching her settle on the first outfit she tried on of light wash jeans and a black band shirt he decided he would wear something similar to what he wore to the club two weeks ago, jeans and a ¾ button down light blue shirt with a red cardigan over it. Sometimes he felt like an absolute hipster but then he remembered he didn’t care. He watched as Ymir finished the final touches of her signature dramatically winged eyeliner, feeling nervous as to what the night had in store for him.

“Ready to go?” He asked.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” She replied. “How do I look?”

“Like a preteen going to their first concert.”

“I hate you.”

“Fuck you too babe, lets head out.”

They made their way out to the car and began the hour journey to the party.

 

  
Armin’s house was like something straight out of a catalog for rich old people who were looking to spend all their money before they died. The lot itself was impressive with probably 50 acres just at the entrance of the property, trees lining the perimeter of the property. They pulled up to the entrance of the house and punched in the code to the gate that Armin gave Jean a few minutes before arriving, watching the gold ‘ARLERT’ sign on top of the gate shift as it opened for them to pull in. Once the gate was open far enough for the car to fit through she shifted into gear and started driving, sun starting to become duller. The drive up to the house was ridiculous, the driveway and the yard surrounding it looked like a forest in the middle of Oregon. Plants that didn’t look native and trees that belonged in the eastern United States were scattered across the lawn as far as the eye can see.

Ymir pulled up next to the other cars that were there and turned off the engine and gripping the steering wheel until her knuckles became while. She took a deep breath and relaxed her shoulders, turning to look at Jean.

“Don’t fuck it up this time.” She snapped.

“Don’t worry Ymir, party girls don’t get hurt.” He flipped the hair he didn’t have.

“But they don’t just feel love.” She punched him.

“Ow!” Jean rubbed at the sore spot on his arm. She must really be nervous if she wasn’t holding any of her strength back. “Feel my tears as they dry.” He wiped at his face, wondering if he could really make himself cry.

She laughed earnestly, visibly relaxing. Her shoulders were no longer stiff and she looked like she was breathing freely. “For a straight guy you really like top 40 songs by the ladies.”

“What can I say, I’m a sucker for the strong independent woman”

“Freudians theory of mother fucking truly applies to you doesn’t it?”

This time it was his turn to punch her, but decided against it last minute because she could probably do more damage now that she was on edge than when she was actually annoyed at him. He fished out his phone and texted Armin that they were outside, making sure to take his time before he hit send. He exited the car first and made his way to the front door wondering the entire way if he should knock or if she should just wait since he just texted Armin.

He didn’t have to wait long for the door to open and reveal an extremely excited Armin and before he knew it, he and Ymir were being pushed into the foyer of his house. They were led into a large living room area where the other guests were seated. He saw a few familiar faces and three new ones he didn’t know yet.

“Hey guys! Look who’s here!” Armin announced, escorting them to a few empty seats near the rest of his friends. Everyone greeted them in unison, and they greeted back, a little nervous.

“Jean, Ymir, these are our friends and classmates. Annie, Bert, and Reiner, this is Jean and Ymir, they work at the ice cream shop we go to sometimes in Maria.” They all shook hands and went back to their earlier conversation about basketball and who truly deserved last year’s championship. Annie, the short blonde girl who seemed to look disinterested in everything was sitting in the ridiculously tall and sweaty Bert’s lap while she was talking to the huge German powerlifter of a man Reiner. Honestly he didn’t even look like a high school student, he looked like he could take him _and_ Marco down in one punch.

Ymir took the empty seat next to Historia and Mikasa and quickly fell into conversation with them about whatever they were talking about and Jean took a seat next across from the trio next to Eren and Armin, who was locked into a discussion about a book with Bert. Jean noticed something was off about them, they all seemed, well, _really_ close. Reiner seemed to be a little too close to Bert for comfort, but no one but he seemed to think it was weird. It’s a good thing Jean was used to faking his appearance in situations he was uncomfortable or unfamiliar with or tonight would be extremely awkward.

What was weirder than the vibe Jean got from the three of them was how uncomfortable Eren looked to be near them. Eren was turned slightly away from them, not participating in anyone’s conversation. He was avoiding eye contact and seemed to be lost in a cloud of thought. The look on his face was enough give away for Jean to realize that he wasn’t really in a good place. He looked like a kicked puppy that just wanted to go home and nestle near his mommy and the fact that he was still sporting the fading remains of Jeans punch to his face didn’t help him. Now, Jean won’t admit a lot of things, not even to himself, but for a second he just wanted to wrap Eren up in a blanket and tell him that everything was going to be ok. No matter what had happened between them, no one deserved to feel how the brunette looked.

“Hey farm boy, I see you’re enjoying the little present I left you” He nudged him a bit in a playful tone.

The other looked up a little distracted before the mischievous gleam in his eyes sparked to life. “Whatever, you’re just jealous that everything looks good on me.” He elbowed him.

“Well what can I say, your face looks nicer with a bit of character added here,” Jean pointed to his bruised check. “and here!” He said, flicking his forehead, the loud thump radiating through his ears.

“Ow! You butthole!” Eren yelped, slapping Jeans thigh. He did feel kind of bad, but it was temporary when he saw a little smile fight its way on to Erens face. “You’re really trying to mark me aren’t you?”

“I don’t like to share things, especially if I’ve gotten physical with them.” For some reason that seemed to catch Reiner’s attention. They made eye contact for a brief second before Jean returned his attention to the growing blush on the tanned boys face. He had to admit, he didn’t know what to expect when he said yes to coming to the party, but it was going better than he thought. That’s why it’s important to not have standards, you can’t be disappointed if you weren’t expecting anything in the first place. It only goes up from there.

“Is that why you don’t ever touch people with your left hand Jean?” Ymir called out from across the room. She always had amazing hearing when it came to making fun of him.

“Fight me Ymir!” Was all he could come up with in his moment of embarrassment. He couldn’t think of anything clever to come back at her with, everything she wanted just seemed to fall into her hands from grades to girls. While Jean had to work up the courage for hors to even talk to a girl, she already had her arm around Historia after only a night of texting. She made for a shitty wing woman but god damn if he wouldn’t ever admit she had more game than he ever did.

The atmosphere became more comfortable after their little spat. A collective trust forming over everyone at the little party. Mikasa and them moved the couch they were sitting on closer to everyone so they could talk better. Most of the time Jean and Ymir just listened to the stories about the most memorable and funny parts of their school year while occasionally adding in stories of their own. It was odd how well everyone seemed to get along. Even Annie who seemed disinterested in everything had input and storied to tell most of the time.

He found out that both Annie and Reiner were on the wrestling team in their tiny class of 100 people, while Mikasa and Historia were in swimming. Armin and Bert were both chair members of the literature club while Eren refrained from school as much as possible without letting his grades suffer. Jean shared that he was on the football team along with Marco and got to date one of the cheerleaders for a while. It was like a high school movie and everyone thought it was cute. Ymir was never into any clubs and academia bored her, so she mostly shared how she would bother the teachers so much without actually disrupting the class or breaking any rules. She truly was an inspiration to them all.

As they continued their reminiscence of the glory years Jean took notice of how Eren was going back to how he looked like at the beginning of the party. He flicked the younger boy’s ear in hopes of cheering him up, but to no avail he only swatted his hand away.

“I’m um, I’m going to go to the restroom.” He told Jean.

“What? Do you need help? Is that why you’re telling me?” Jean laughed.

That put a smile on Erens face. “You wish Kirstein.” He walked off.

Now that he was gone, Jean noticed that the snacks they had all been sharing was gone.

“Hey Armin, is there any more popcorn?”

“Yeah it’s in the kitchen, let me go get some.” He said, about to stand up.

Jean beat him to it and stood up first. “No! It’s ok! I’ll get it.” He grabbed the bowl and made his way to the kitchen. He wandered into the kitchen and stood there amazed at the sheer scale of it all. It had an island in the middle of a huge room almost made entirely out of granite.

“What the hell do his parents do? Sell drugs?” He asked himself.

“If only it were that easy.” He grabbed his heart jumped at the voice. He turned around to see Reiner laughing obnoxiously.

“Jesus H Christ Reiner you startled me!” He wondered how long it would take him to get his heart under control.

“That’s a first.” He said. “You don’t get that a lot when you’re as big as me.” He made his way past Jean to the island, filling the cup in his hand with an off brand version of Dr. Pepper. “They’re anthropologists. They both teach at the local university here and are always traveling to some land to survey and observe people. Armin’s actually travelled to like half of the countries in the world because of it and has kept contact with some people he met.”

“That’s fucking insane.” Jean replied, how did he find these people?

“Yeah, right now he’s alone for a few days while his parents are at a conference.”

“That’s cool!” He said, not really interested in asking more questions about the subject. “You like that stuff man?” Jean asked, pointing to the drink he was pouring. He also made his way to the island and started filling the large blue bowl with the popcorn he came for.

“Nah, Annie does, she’s really peculiar with what she puts in her body and Annie gets what Annie wants.”

“Sounds rough buddy.” He patted Reiner’s back.

“You do what you gotta do to keep the lion happy.” He laughed. An awkward silence filled the space between them. The bigger man finished filling the cup and pulled out his phone, seemingly waiting for someone. Jean finished filling the bowl and as he turned to leave he felt a large hand on his shoulder. He turned around, kind of freaked out that this dude was touching him.

“Hey can I ask you something?” The blonde asked him.

Jean swallowed hard, no matter who asked him or in what context it was in, that sentence could always make him feel like he was about to run a marathon to save his life.

“Sure?” It came out more as a question.

“Not to be insensitive or anything, but are you and Jaeger fucking?”

If Jean were drinking something he would have spit it out. How the hell do you answer something like that? He knew this guy a total of three hours and here he was, asking Jean a question that even his best friends would ask with more tact.

“That’s kind of personal dude.” He said. “Why?” He almost immediately regretted asking.

A wave a relief washed over Reiners face. “That’s good. You dodged a bullet there.” He laughed. He hadn’t even confirmed or denied but Jean must have looked confused because Rainer elaborated. “The kid is just a ball of emotional issues. I mean, he’s always angry for one, and two, he has to dignify everything with feelings! Sometimes you wanna fuck just to fuck, and if you gotta fake a ‘No baby you look great. I do really like you don’t you trust me?’ to get there than that’s what you do.”

That made Jean extremely angry. Even though he had been a dick in his time, he never did any of that. He felt sick to his stomach, just the fact that Eren slept with this guy made him nauseous.

“He’s was good for a rebound fling.” He laughed. “He’s a next ex-girlfriend type.”

“A what?” Jean asked, thoroughly lost.

“You know, like that Bowling For Soup song? I didn’t want any long term thing or feelings. I kind of just wanted something to pass the time with until something better came along.”

Jean didn’t know what to feel, but he knew he wanted to punch Reiner square in the jaw. He almost didn’t care that Reiner was twice his size and could completely fuck him up in a second.

Reiner broke eye contact and looked directly behind Jean. “Shit.” He cursed, looking like he just got caught smoking weed at junior prom. Jean turned around and felt his heart break instantly. Eren was standing at the base of the stairs looking completely broken.

“Eren,” Jean started but was cut short when Eren bowed his head and ran up the stairs. He turned around and gave Reiner the dirtiest look he could muster and shoved the bowl at him, immediately taking off to run after Eren.

It would have been really cute if it were like some bad rom com movie where Jean would be the big strong protagonist man and catch Eren halfway in the hallway by his hand and turn him around to comfort him, but real life isn’t so easy and Eren was so hard to catch. By the time Jean had even reached the foot of the stairs he head one of the doors on the second floor slam shut; unable to pinpoint which room he had gone into exactly. He didn’t want to call out his name because it would alert everyone that something was wrong and he was pretty sure that’s the last thing Eren would want. He probably wanted to be left completely alone, hearing that from your ex no matter how long it had been must be horrible, even worse that it was in front of a new friend. He couldn’t even imagine if he heard that come from Sasha’s mouth, even if he didn’t feel anything for her aside from friendship anymore. If Eren felt even a little of what Jean had felt for her when they were dating, he must feel completely worthless right now.

Reaching the top of the stairs was enough to overwhelm Jean, the second floor looked even bigger than the first floor and had at _least_ 30 rooms. Okay, he was exaggerating, but the upstairs looked exactly like you would find on a huge map of Prop Hunt. Using the context clues he learned from standardized testing all throughout his schooling years, he set off determined to find the other boy. The public school education system failed him though because he didn’t find Eren until he had checked every room on the floor save for one. He went up to the farthest door on the left from the stairs and held his ear up to it, listening to see if he could hear any clues to Eren being in it. He didn’t hear anything and begun to wonder if he simply didn’t see him when he went to go check the other rooms. That was impossible though because he went into every room and made sure he wasn’t hiding out, he even went so far as to check the closets and restrooms in the other rooms that he went in to see if he could find Eren.

That’s when he heard it, the faint uneven heavy breathing that came from the other side of the door only door he hadn’t checked yet. He didn’t know what he hoped to accomplish by going in there, but he knew that if there was even a slight change that he could cheer him up he would by all means go in. He grounded himself and put his hand on the handle, turning it gently and opening the door as slowly as he could.

He took one look at Eren and made a mental note that he would fight Reiner on behalf of Erens honor later. He was laying on his stomach on the bed in the middle of the room with his face buried into the pillow, not moving despite hearing someone enter the room. Jean closed the door as smoothly as he opened up and made his way to the bed, making sure to not shake the bed too much as he sat next to Eren. He reached out his hand and gently stroked his hair, feeling the other boy tense up for a while before slowly relaxing back to before he touched him.

Jean wasn’t an expert on grief or depression or anything, but he had seen his mom in the same state enough times after his father died to know that this always seemed to comfort her. It wasn’t exactly the same, but if there was anything Jean hated it was to see someone cry or see someone who was about to cry. It felt so bad to see someone go through something hard and know that you can’t fix it. He still wanted to help, but he didn’t understand why playing with someone’s hair or sitting silently next to then seemed to help necessarily. But it had worked in his mom, the day after his dad died he saw his mom crying and went up to sit with her in silence for hours while she cried and hugged him. Neither one spoke but somehow it made a world of difference for the both of them. Helping others cope, even in his time of need, was the way he coped. It worked on his mom, so he hoped that his sincerity would come through in his actions with Eren.

They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, both boys getting familiar with each other’s presence. Eren’s breathing evened out eventually and looked like he fell asleep at some point. Jean continued to play with Eren’s hair, the motion comforting to him too.

“It happened earlier this year.” Eren started, moving his face to the side of the pillow to communicate better. He still wasn’t looking at Jean but took his silence as confirmation that he was listening. “I realized sometime a few years ago that I was gay and came out to everyone. Not many people around here are openly gay so when Reiner approached me I was really happy that someone was actually interested in me. I mean, Armin is gay too, but we just aren’t that way and we’re not about that. Anyways, he started flirting with me and I flirted back. At first I only dated him because he was gay too but before I knew it I had completely fallen for him. He was really sweet and would call and text me every day and we would spend a lot of time together and with our friends and stuff. There was no way that I wouldn’t like him when he treated me so well.” He laughed, voice wavering a bit.

“It was all going well for a couple of months before things got weird all of a sudden. One day he stopped texting me first and the phone calls became less and less frequent. He blamed it on wrestling and the fact that they made it to regionals for the first time in four years. I mean, I loved him so whatever he said I went with.” He stopped and took a shaky breath, taking his time to regain his composure before he continued.

“I was scared that I was going to lose him so I started texting and calling first and it got a bit better. We weren’t spending as much time with each other but we were in constant communication. After about a month of not seeing each other after he started initiating text messages again and things kind of returned to normal again, sort of. We started spending more time together and he started getting more physical with me, it wasn’t about feelings anymore so much as how much time we spent making out or touching each other.” His voice started to crack and he sat up, wiping tears from his eyes.

Jean felt completely furious, it didn’t take a genius to see where this was heading. Reiner’s side of the story was suddenly starting to make sense. He wanted to go downstairs and break his jaw, but Eren needed him right now, more than Reiner needed to be punched believe it or not. Eren looked like he was having difficulty not breaking out into tears. Jean looked down and laced his fingers with Erens and stroked is thumb along his.

Eren gave a weak squeeze and took a deep breath, finally determined to continue. “We started going further and further until one day I felt like that’s all it was.” Eren paused, tears forming at the corners of his eyes. “I a-asked him if he still liked me, and he reassured me that he did. I decided that I was overreacting and he asked me if I wanted to make out for a bit. I was weak.” He looked down feeling so ashamed of himself. “I was getting naked and started backing out because I felt gross, but he assured me I looked great and tried to made me forget about my insecurities. It wasn’t the best sex ever, but it was really special to me because it was with someone I really liked. For a couple of weeks after that it was mostly just about sex, the texts and calls began to dwindle until one day they stopped. I hadn’t heard from him in days no matter how much I tried to get a hold of him until one day he showed up at my house and broke up with me. I didn’t respond or even look at him the entire time he talked, I went back inside and I just cried for the rest of the night.” Tears starting to roll down his cheeks. “Later I find out that he’s been in love with Bert for years but he was with Annie. They got into a fight and was looking for a rebound around that time. It was fine until Bert and Annie decided that they would do a weird arrangement where Bert would date Reiner and Annie, but Reiner and Annie wouldn’t date. It was so weird and no one knew what they wanted, so they all took a break to think about it and Bert and Reiner started talking again, that’s when he stopped talking to me. Turns out Bert wasn’t giving him any so I was just the fucking booty call for the time being until they all decided on what would happen.”

Eren started hyperventilating, words becoming more and more frantic. “Jean…” He said in a completely broken voice. “He used me.” He said out in broken sobs. Jean never gave into an urge more quickly than the one to grab Eren and hold him while he cried. He grabbed him and put one hand to the back of his head and wrapped the other around his back. “Jean I’m so stupid.” He cried. Eren gave a strong squeeze back, thankful for the strong embrace.

How could someone do something like that without any remorse? Reiner even went so far as to warn _other_ people about Eren when it was Reiner who people should be warned about. No wonder Eren is still so beat up over it, Reiner never gave him a chance to get over it. To be fair, it’s kind of hard to heal from a wound that someone keeps forcing open. Eventually you suck it up and stop trying to close it. For a while he just let Eren cry it out, he said nothing and held the other boy until his sobs subsided into weak whimpers. Jean continued to hold him and stroke his hair, not weakening his grip on the boy until he felt him pull way. He wiped his eyes and held his palms to his eyes for a while.

“So, do you usually cry in from of people you just met?” Jean joked. Eren let out a laugh that slowly grew into a quiet chuckle and smacked Jeans shoulder.

“Are you usually gay with people you ‘no homo’ around?” Eren shot back.

Jean smiled and lifted a hand to Erens face, holding his cheek. “I’ll make an exception this time.” He pushed Erens hair away from his face and kept his hand there, catching the occasional tear that fell from his eye. For the first time all night he could finally see the brunettes face. He wasn’t hiding behind his hair or looking down, he was looking Jean back directly in the eyes. Jean noticed just how tired and done he looked from not just tonight, but from this past year of unwavering stress. His eyes were red and puffy, but despite that they were still as pretty as ever. No matter how many times he looked into them he would still be amazed at how _green_ they were. Not to sound any gayer than he probably already seemed, but they stood out even more with his tan skin and brown eyes. It was a unique combination that honestly made him one of the most attractive guys Jean had ever seen.

He was so lost in those eyes that he almost didn’t notice Eren moving closer and closer to his face before he finally closed the gap with Jeans hand still on his cheek. Jean closed his eyes as they locked lips for a brief second, lips barley touching. It was so light that it tickled, he could feel Eren’s breath on his lips and felt a shiver go down his face. Eren pulled back and immediately kissed Jean again, pecking his lips a few times before he deepened the kiss and placed his hand on Jeans. They stayed together in momentary bliss until Eren placed both of his hands on Jeans shoulders and pulled back.

“I- I’m sorry Jean.” He looked completely ashamed.

Jean held onto Eren’s hands on his shoulders and held onto him, afraid that he would disappear if he let go. “For what?” Jean asked, frustrated. “You didn’t _do_ anything. Reiner was the asshole who took pleasure in being a complete douche nozzle.” Eren didn’t respond, avoiding Jeans gaze

“I know you’re straight and I kissed you.” He clarified a bit. “I shouldn’t have done that when you came to comfort me after hearing that from Reiner.”

“Shut up Eren.” He said, feeling himself get angry. He didn’t want to talk anymore. It wasn’t the fact that Eren was talking to him about something so personal that was making him mad, but the fact that no matter what Jean said at this point, it wasn’t going to change how the other boy felt. Words weren’t going to comfort him, but maybe actions would. Of course, he would be lying if he said that he was doing this entirely for Eren with no feelings of his own. He removed Erens hands from his shoulders and pulled him closer to him slowly enough so that if we wanted to get away he would have the chance. He returned his hand to his face and turned Erens face to look at him.

This time Jean was the one who initiated the kiss. It was deeper than the first time, but gentle enough to not be forceful. Eren hesitated for a bit before he returned the kiss a bit more heated than before. It started out slowly at first and slowly they both picked up the pace. It was unclear who initiated it first, but soon their tongues became intertwined in each other’s and hands started to wander. Jean didn’t quite grasp what was happening or why he was so okay with it. He knew he was questioning himself and he really liked girls, but kissing Eren felt so ok. More than ok actually, when Eren kissed him not only had it felt good, but it felt right. He wanted to touch him more, to feel him. Not even necessarily in a way that was sexual, but in a way that was intimate. In a way that would make them closer, that would form almost a special bond of some sorts.

Somewhere along the way Jeans hands and gone from Erens face, to his neck, to his waist. Erens arms remained around Jeans shoulders and brought their bodies closer until their chests were touching completely. Jeans hands travelled down further until they were resting on Erens hips. He might not have looked like it, but from what Jean had felt, Eren felt so lean underneath his clothes. He wanted to touch him all over, wondering what all of him felt like, what he _looked_ like. He wanted to place his hands lower but didn’t know whether that would be okay or not. Eren unlocked his arms from Jeans shoulders and broke their kiss. Jean opened his eyes and looked at him. His eyes were hazy and less red than earlier, face was a nice flushed color and his lips were swollen and red.

“Hold up.” He got up and made is way to the door, Jean’s eyes followed him the entire time. Eren swiftly locked the door and returned to the bed. Eren reached out to him and straddled him, lips searching for Jeans again.

“Kind of a ballsy move, no Jaeger?” He said between kisses.

“Shut up Jean.” He returned, blushing more than he already was.

“Are you sure you want to do this? We can stop at any point if you feel weird about it.”

“W-well, do you want to continue?”

“It’s not all about me Eren, you matter too.” He said. Eren’s grip on him tightened and he buried his face in Jeans shoulder. He held the other boy and kissed him on the check. “I just don’t want you to regret this tomorrow morning or in a month from now or even 10 years from now. Even if we get into anoter stupid fight and hate each other more than we maybe do I don’t want you to regret this because right now and right here we’re both okay this.”

Eren pulled back and made eye contact with him, looking completely sure. He pushed Jean down onto his back and crashed their lips together. Jean got all the confirmation he needed as he let his hands roam freely over the farm hands body. He caressed his back and hips and enjoyed the little moans that got caught in Erens throat now and then.

Although he loved where they were, Jean wanted more. He moved one hand to Erens thigh and gave a light squeeze to test the waters. When a moan escaped the other boys lips Jean felt his pants get uncomfortably tight. He moved both of his hands to Erens ass and squeezed aggressively, this time Eren’s moans weren’t so quiet. Jean felt the brunette’s erection press into him, searching for some form friction.

Jean was a virgin by any means, so he had no problem when Eren started grinding his hips gently. Obviously it wasn’t the same as it was with girls but he followed his instincts and did what felt the best. He placed both hands on Erens ass and pushed him down hard, making sure their clothed erections rubbed together. Eren broke their kiss to moan and Jean took the opportunity to attack his neck. He trailed kissed from his jawline and searched for the sensitive spots on Erens neck.

“Je- ah! Jean w-wait.” Eren moaned. Jean stopped moving his hips and watched as Eren jumped off of him and unzipped his pants. “Can we…?” He pulled out his cock and Jean found himself unable to keep from staring. It was the first time he’d been so close to a completely erect cock that wasn’t his own. He felt his twitch as he moved to free it.

“So how do we do this?” He asked. He didn’t want to ruin the mood or anything, but he was honestly curious. He’d only ever seen bad gay porn and he was pretty sure that wasn’t how it worked in real life.

“Well, one of us could straddle the other, or we could lay down side by side.”

“Which ones easier?” The longer Jean saw Eren with his aroused expression the more horny it made Jean feel. He felt like he was 13 and was jacking off three times a day.

“I can straddle you again and we can continue like we were.” He said, a little embarrassed.

“Oh, continue like how?” Jean knew he was pushing it, but he loved teasing Eren, it made him feel things he really didn’t care or want to to explore at that particular moment.

Eren looked away. “Where I was…. you know…. gr- grinding on you.”

“Did you like that Eren? Did you like my hands on your ass?” He asked as he grabbed Erens hand and led him back to the bed. Eren only nodded slightly and continued to avoid Jeans gaze. Jean started kissing Erens neck again and let him settle back into their first position. They fell back into a comfortable rhythm. Jeans hands fondled the other boys ass as Eren coiled his hands around both their erections. Jeans hands started to wander again and thoroughly explored the parts of Erens body that he had access to. He tangled one hand in his hair and let one slip underneath his shirt, feeling the taught muscles of his upper body and he continued to move back and forth. Eren had given up on kissing and became a mess of moans and shudders, erection leaking precum all over Jeans throbbing cock. Jean wasn’t in a much better state than the other boy, but his moans were enough keep Jean going, searching for everything possible to make Eren feel even better.

“Jean! Ah! Ah!” Eren moaned, lost in complete ecstasy. “I’m gonna c-, I’m gonna cum!” He cried, moving his hips faster and losing any kind of rhythm that they had in the beginning. Jean moved his hand from the brunettes hair to his ass once more and pushed Eren further down. Eren was a complete mess of incomprehensible thoughts and whines and Jean had never been more turned on in his life. He continued to slide his tongue across Erens jaw and moved his free hand to play with a nipple, feeling Eren shudder and spam harder.

Eren rocked his hips a few times more before he came all over both his and Jeans abdomens. He rode out his orgasm and slowed to a stop. He collapsed over Jean and panted heavily, completely relaxed. Jean rolled him over and let him bask in the afterglow for as long as he needed to. Just seeing Eren so satisfied was almost enough to satisfy himself. Almost, but not quite. He pulled his boxers over his still throbbing erection and hoisted himself up, a little surprised when he felt Erens hand over his crotch.

“Wait Jean.” Eren said. “Let me take care of that.” He sat up and spread Jeans legs, situated himself in-between them.

“You don’t have to Eren, I can take care of it in the bathroom.” Jean hesitated. He didn’t want Eren to feel like he owed him anything. Eren disregarded him and pulled his boxers back down, his cock bounced up from the restricting cloth. He looked Jean in the eyes as he stuck his tongue out and gave his shaft a nice slow lick.

“Are you sure Jean?” Eren asked, teasing the slit of his head with a few flicks of his tongue.

“Fuck.” Jean breathed, lacing his fingers through Erens hair. His actions betraying his words.

“Because I really want to suck your cock right now.” With those words he took Jeans head into his mouth and gently sucked, gradually moving further and further down the shaft until he had taken Jeans entire length into his mouth. He sucked harder and he swirled his tongue around Jeans head as he bobbed his head up and down.

He never felt the urge to come so fast in his life, but when you were getting the best blowjob on the face of this earth after getting a the hottest show of your life, it was kind of hard to last longer than a few minutes. He held out as long as he could, cursing and groaning underneath his breath before his eyes rolled to the back of his head as he let out his moans. Eren hummed in satisfaction around Jean and went as far as he could get. Jean unconsciously started moving his hips into Erens mouth, unable to think a thought other than “ _Oh holy mother of fucking God.”_ Jean was only overly religious when we felt good, and did he ever feel good.

“Fuck Eren!” He groaned. “So good… gonna cum.” He jerked Erens hair back to warn him of his impeding release. Eren gave a few more compliant sucks before removing his mouth and jerked Jean off until he came, shooting over where Eren had come before. Eren removed his shirt and pants as he cleaned himself off, Jean following suit.

“Were the _hell_ did you ever learn to do that?” Jean asked in between pants as he peeled his shirt off. “That was the most incredible blow job I think I’ve ever gotten.”

“Sometimes you’re just naturally good at things.” Eren laughed. Jean smiled, he knew that wasn’t all of it but he wasn’t going to push it.

It had been a while since Jean felt a sense of closeness with someone. It was kind of scary how fast it had happened with Eren and considering the circumstances. It probably wasn’t under the best conditions to be getting so _close_ to someone, but that was for another time to think about; like the morning after. Right now he wanted to fall asleep and have a chance to process everything that happened today. He closed his eyes and felt Eren crawl onto the bed next to him. Jean looked at where the movement came from and saw the other boy facing away from him looking a little lonely. He moved to his side and slid in behind Eren, pushing his chest flush against his back and wrapped his arm around the other boy almost protectively.

“Jean.”

“Eren.”

“I thought you weren’t gay.”

“I thought you weren’t a cry baby but look where we are now. Ow!” Jean yanked his hand back when he felt Eren bite it.

“Can’t a guy cuddle? Whatever Jaeger I didn’t need you anyway.” He said as he moved back onto his back. He closed his eyes again not thinking much of that when he felt Eren move his arm and lay his head on Jeans chest. Jean wrapped his arm around the younger boy almost instinctively and began dozed off, feeling the most content that he had in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was the most fun and the most stressful to write in the fact that there was so much back story and feelings. I've been waiting to finish this for a while but I have work and I'm starting the summer semester in two days. I've also been insanely busy seeing as I need to do some stuff before I graduate at the end of this year. There are only two more chapters to go and I'm really looking forward to that before I start my other two. Thanks for reading and leaving comments and kudos you guys!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren can go from 0-100 real quick.

The day after their little bonding session was more awkward than Jean thought it was going to be. Not necessarily because they did those things together, but because a few hours had gone by and he didn’t regret it. In fact, he felt amazing about what they’d done and that scared him a little bit. This was the first time he had gotten physical with anyone since Sasha and the first time he’s felt romantic feelings for anyone this fast since he could remember. Never mind the fact that he’d only known Eren for a few weeks durig a family vacation, but he was a guy, like, a guy with a penis.

Eren was the first one to wake up when he was jolted awake by Armin opening the door and trying not to feel like complete and utter shit as he saw the face of complete shock on him. While Eren was trying to hide the fact that both he and Jean were almost completely naked he quietly as he could tried to apologize to Armin before he slammed the door. Eren decided that it might be best to leave Armin alone for a bit. The fact that Jean clung to him the entire time wasn’t helping his case much anyway.

When Jean woke up he felt like he was away on vacation. He was bordering on thinking everything that happened last night seemed like a weird wet dream you tried not to think too much about, and knowing full well he had gay sex and feelings for a boy. It all seemed hazy but he wasn’t uncomfortable at all. The first thing he saw was Eren scrolling his phone a few inches away from his face, he looked so dopey as he was scrolling Twitter absent mindedly, like his mind was in another place. Jean couldn’t help but smile as he reached out to pull the other boy closer to him. The sudden movement seemed to startle Eren though because when he felt the sheets over him move, he looked over and dropped his phone on his face causing the loudest slap Jean had ever hear someone receive. Tears formed at the corners of his eyes as he held his nose and hissed at the pain.

Jean chucked sleepily and pulled him closer, kissing his nose and taking a deep breathe to see if he could fall back asleep.

“You are the worst kind of person.” Eren said. “I regret everything that happened last night.” He draped his arm over his forehead and sighed dramatically. “You took advantage of me in my weakened state and had your way with me, a delicate little flower.”

This time Jean full out laughed and buried his face in the other boy’s hair, he couldn’t help but notice that his hair smelled so clean and light. Come to think of it, Eren always seemed to smell so calming and simple, he didn’t really have a fragrance, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Eren joined him in his laughing and nuzzled into Jeans chest to hide what was the biggest cheesy smile he was pretty sure he could muster. “Me _,_ take advantage of _you?_ I practically had to fight you off from having your wicked way me! If anything, you were pretending to be all sad so you could get into my pants.”

“Oh snap, you caught me.” Eren snorted. “From the moment I laid eyes on you that one fateful summer afternoon with you in your sexy little hat and super-hot apron all I could think about was how one day I’m gonna suck that guys dick!”

“Well glad to know you’re being honest with yourself.” Jean replied drowsily.

Eren bit Jeans peck and laughed when he lazily slapped his back. He freed his hands from between his and Jeans body and wrapped the now free arm around Jean and intertwined their legs. Being so close to Jean in their bare forms was comforting, he felt so protected and secure in their embrace.

“Look Eren, I know you sucked my dick and I was fondling your ass pretty hard last night and all, but this is officially the gayest thing that I’ve ever done.” Jean said, lethargy still in his voice.

“Fine then!” Eren pushed away from Jean only to be pulled back in and held with more force.

“I didn’t say it was a bad thing.” Jean rolled over so most of him was rendering Eren unable to escape. They lay in bed for a few minutes absorbing each other’s company as the sun peeked its rays through the light and illuminated the room softly. Jean was finally starting to wake up and looked over to the pile of clothes laying haphazardly on the floor beside the bed and debated whether to sleep in a bit more, or check his phone for messages from the one who drove him there. After thinking about it for a few minutes he decided to get up and check his messages to see if his mom or Ymir called him.

He had 12 missed calls from his mom. Shit. He panicked a little bit and called her back immediately. The phone rang a few times before his mom answered sounding extremely exhausted. “Jean, where are you?” She asked.

“We’re still at our friend’s house mom.” At least he _hoped_ there was still a we. It could be a very big possibility that Ymir decided to ditch him somewhere during the night.

“Well _I_ know that Jean but you couldn’t have called?”

“Wait you knew?” He was confused. “How if I didn’t answer?”

“Well first of all it’s not that hard to guess when you told me where you were going to be, and two, I called Ymir around one in the morning to check in because _someone_ wouldn’t answer their phone.” She sounded annoyed.

“I’m sorry mom-“ He was cut off.

“Don’t say sorry to me Jean, say sorry to your poor grandma. She was worried all night about you and couldn’t sleep because she thought you were lying dead in a ditch somewhere when you didn’t answer.”

That did it, now he felt terrible. Eren must have noticed because he joined Jean near their clothes and wrapped his arms against his middle. He rested his head against his back and Jean placed his hand atop of Erens. He finished up the conversation with this mom, promising he would be home within the next two hours and immediately looked through the rest of his messages. He had a few messages from Ymir, Marco, and surprisingly Sasha. He opened Ymirs first as found a flurry of ‘Where are you’s’ only to find a few ‘Never mind take your times’ a few minutes later. He laughed and set out to put on his pants, not bothering to check the rest of the notifications until he could be bothered.

“Hey um, Armin wouldn’t happen to have a shirt that I could borrow could he?” He asked Eren as he picked up his crusty shirt. It was like someone used it as a tissue as cliché and gross as that sounded.

“I think we are the last people Armin even wants to see right now to be honest, but I have an extra shirt you can borrow.” He padded over to the dresser across the room and rummaged it for a bit before inspecting a shirt and throwing it at Jean. “Is this one ok?” He asked. He held it up and decided that he really needed to get back into the music scene because everyone he knew had band tees.

“Thanks.” He mumbled as he pulled the shirt over his head. Jean had been so caught up in what they were doing last night that all of his manners seemed to escape him. He rolled around almost naked covered in his and Eren’s shame on what could have been Armin’s bed for all he knew. He might be a horny teenage boy, but momma didn’t raise a savage.

“Whose room is this anyways?” He asked apologetically.

“Don’t worry about someone getting mad at us for being in here, it’s mine.” He answered, still trying to pick a shirt out for himself.

“You have your own room? In a place that’s not your house? Armin must really love you.”

“Mikasa and Historia have their own too, we spend a lot of time here and they have a lot of rooms vacant so eventually we just claimed our own.” Eren pulled out a black shirt similar to Jeans and pulled it on.

Where the hell do these people come from? It’s like something out of a freaking sitcom, kind of like Modern Family without the hot Hispanic lady, unless Historia was Hispanic because her name kind of sounded like it. He unlocked his phone and searched for Ymir’s number. He called her and waited for a few rings before she finally answered.

“Jean” She answered

“How long have you been awake?”

“Sleep is for the weak.”

“Thanks for that Ymir.

“No problem loser.”

“Do you want to leave?”

“Well I’m ready, I’m downstairs eating. Did you know that Mikasa is like, the best cook ever?” She said as she chewed her food. “You want some? Apparently its Eren’s favorite.”

“I’m not really hungry right now, my mom just called and I have to be back soon.”

“Yeah figured, she called me really mad last light and she told me that I was her daughter and only child now.”

“She would never say that!”

“You can’t make something like that up Jean.”

“Whatever. Let’s go, I’m heading downstairs right now.” He hung up, not wanting to hear any more from her.

They finished getting ready and decided to descend the stairs at different times to avoid any misunderstandings about last night. Just because they slept together doesn’t mean that everyone should know. Everyone meddling in their business would make figuring things out once they decided to cross that bridge was going to make things much harder than they needed to. Jean went down first and said his goodbyes to everyone as he tried to ignore the knowing gleam in their eyes. Halfway through their journey home he realized that he never asked for Erens number. Feeling a little bummed out he tried not to think about it and tried to focus on how he would make this up to his mom. There have been times when he spent the night at Marcos or at a friend’s house without telling her but this time was different. Not only did his mom have no idea who he was with, but his grandmother had been up all night worried. He could only imagine his mom having to comfort her after his grandmother panicked all night.

His granny was sitting outside waiting for him on the porch when Ymir dropped him off. He was greeted by the biggest hug he’d probably ever received from her and went inside to await further guilt tripping from his mother. You see, Anne Kirstein’s type of punishment wasn’t yelling or grounding or even the cold shoulder. She kind of just reminded Jean of what he did and how that affected everyone negatively until he felt bad enough to never do what he did to get in trouble ever again. He walked in to find her waiting at the table and drinking coffee looking deadly tired. His punishment turned out to be a word for word script of everything his granny said last night. By the end he forgot that he even gotten what was quite possibly the best blowjob he’d ever received the night before and decided to come straight home from work every day and spend as much time with his mom and granny as he could. He didn’t feel guilt tripped into it, he honestly did feel like he was neglecting them lately. The whole purpose to going to Maria was to see her after all.

* * *

 

The next three weeks passed by in agonizing wait for something exciting to happen. He loved his grandma but he could only watch so much I love Lucy before we was able to memorize the lines of all the episodes. Work was no better with the same bored teenagers that they saw everyday claiming the creamery for hours on end. He loved Maria but there was nothing to do there besides eat and watch Netflix with friends, but he secretly enjoyed that aspect of small town life. In truth Jean had always been a bit of a homebody. It was so different from Trost where if you drive for 15 minutes you get into a huge city with a bustling night life scene. In Maria it was dead past 10 and everyone knew each other or of each other, it had its good and bad.

The most difficult part of choosing not to go out or spend his time with Ymir outside of work was that he was so out of touch from human contact since Maria was a small town the houses were farther apart and everything was so slow. He texted people like crazy trying to keep himself sane and in touch with the world outside his bedroom, he also might or might not have done it to take his mind off of Eren and their Friday events. He felt so conflicted about everything, he liked Eren, or at least doing stuff with him, but didn’t know if the feeling he had were mutual or genuine even. He thought of asking Historia for Erens number so many times but the countless drafts he had sitting in his inbox was proof of him not being able to, the thought of him saying something stupid or offensive was enough to stop him. Besides, Eren could have also texted him at any time but also chose not to for whatever reason and Jean had to fight the urge to think too much about that.

After one particularly quiet morning of laying around completely bored out of his mind he decided to pick up his bike and go for a long ride along the countryside. It was starting to get tiring only lying in bed watching Netflix for the majority of the day while only bothering to get up when he was hungry or to use the restroom. He got up just before 9:30 a.m. that Monday morning to get dressed and equip his glasses to take a long bike ride along the on the lonely road out of Maria. He’d love riding his bike for as long as he could remember, some of his most fond memories were when he and his dad would ride the bike track at a local park and just spend time together. Jean grabbed his blue and white rusting bike from the garage after informing his granny that he would be out and placed his earbuds in, preparing for the trip. He looked through his phone briefly for some riding music before deciding on a playlist that he always put on when he really wanted to think or relax during a pre or post workout. He took a deep breath and started pedaling the direction of the backroads out of the town, it was a lonely road and mostly safe, only farm workers really ever took the road for work.

Usually the scenery was the only thing Jean ever payed attention to during his cycling routes, opting to take different routes evert time me found new ones. This time instead of looking at the trees and overgrown grass of the back country, he felt himself become more and more consumed in thought as he picked up his pace gradually until the scenery passed by in a blur. Soon he was racing by backwoods and miles and miles of grasslands that stretched as far as the eyes could see. He felt his heart rate spike up as he stood on the pedals and leaned forward, not helping the giant smile stretching his face. In the moment he felt so light, so free, like he was 10 years old again riding alongside of his dad. It didn’t matter how sore he was going to be the next few days or how he was running out of breath, all that mattered was the now and then.

Several songs and a few miles later, Jean found himself near one of the entrances to one of the grazing areas in the vast Reiss Farm when he decided that it was a good spot to stop and catch his breath. Being near people made him feel better than randomly stopping on the side of the street for a serial killer to come by and scoop him up. He knew that wasn’t realistic, but he wasn’t taking any chances. He got off and grabbed his bottle from the holder and tried to portion his intake of water so that he had least half for the ride back home. He leaned on a nearby fence post and observed a few workers as they went about their duties. He saw several of them herding the cattle to graze and a small group of them caring lumber from an old truck to a little structure in the progress of being built. He let his eyes wonder for a few minutes before they fell on what looked to be the youngest worker there lifting bale onto the bed of a tiny well-loved red pickup. Jean stared for a moment and examined the boy, he was tan and nicely built, not too bulky but big enough to not look like a walking twig. Jeans drinking slowed to shallow sips when the boy turned around and he realized it was Eren. He looked better in broad daylight than the bad fluorescent lighting Jean had the misfortune of seeing him in consistently. Jean put his half empty bottle down and decided to have some fun with the situation as he cupped his hands around his mouth and whistled.

“Hey baby that’s some ass you got there! You wanna back that up into my face?”

The face that Jean was greeted with when Eren turned around was priceless, he looked like he was on the verge of confusion and anger. Jean grabbed at his sides and hacked out a loud bark, falling on the ground behind him in the process. He looked up through teary eyes and saw Erens face turn red as he tried to hide it from his coworkers. He finished hauling what he had in his hands before he ran over to Jean with his head bowed slightly looking like he wanted to hug and murder him at the same time. To be honest it frightened him a bit.

“What, didn’t have enough of me and stalked me for more.” Eren punched his shoulder. Jean rubbed at it, refusing to admit it hurt more than he expected.

“I mean it works on those lifetime movies.”

“I don’t know if I should be laughing or backing away from you right now. Mommy makes you watch movies with her Jeanny boy?”

“Shut up you ass, I was bike riding and I decided to stop for a break before heading back. I needed to get up and move since I’ve been on lock down every day since the party.”

Eren grimaced and looked away. “Sorry about that…” He started.

“Hey no!” Jean stood up, his legs a bit shaky. He really shouldn’t have pushed it riding as far as he did. “It was completely worth it I promise.”

Eren looked back up at him and smiled. “Was today worth it Jean?” He pointed to Jeans still quivering legs. “Was it?”

“Yeah I may have screwed myself over for the next couple of days.” He laughed.

“Well, I’m almost done here, I just have to take this hay back to the main ranch in Reisville, I can drop you off after that since today is a half day for me?”

Jean pretended to think about it so he didn’t look too eager when he agreed. He still responded pretty quickly, but not as fast as he was going to. Jean picked up his bike and wheeled it alongside of him to Erens truck. As Eren helped him pile his bike into the back of the other boys truck he noticed that the majority of the workers were staring at them. It didn’t hit him until he remembered that Eren mentioned he was openly gay, they probably thought he was picking up Jean for sex, or whatever else homophobes thought all gay people did. While he was lost in thought, Eren went up behind him and gave his ass a big smack towards the passenger seat and turned to give the workers a wink. They got into their car and left the same way Jean came in, with a show.

“Feeling lucky Jaeger?” Jean laughed.

“I would be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to doing that yes.” He smiled.

“Thanks for the ride, I think I would have had to call my mom to pick me up if I hadn’t run into you.”

“Mommas boy.” Eren snorted. “It’s no problem, I wanted to spend some time with you after Armin’s but I wasn’t sure if it was ok at contact you.”

“Oh my God ok I thought that was just me I felt the same way.” Jean said in one quick breath. He was relieved that Eren wasn’t avoiding him.

“So….” Eren Started.

“So…?” Jean continued. He knew where this was going, he just didn’t know how it was going to be brought up or who was going to be the one to do it.

“Do I have to be the one to say it?”

Jean paused for a bit and took a deep breath. He really didn’t want to have this discussion until he could sort out his own feelings, but he felt like he owed it to Eren to have this talk. Not only because he felt more for him than just a fun time, but because he sort of forced his way onto his problems.

“I don’t regret anything about that night, I can tell you that for sure.” Jean finally broke the silence. He saw Eren’s shoulders visibly relax.

Eren kept his eyes trained on the road, his eyebrow perked a little and he bit his lip in concentration. “I can promise you that even though I wasn’t in the best state of mind and I was kind of pushing my problems on to you, I didn’t want to use you as a replacement to Reiner or anything like that.”

“Well I wasn’t thinking that at all but now that you bring it up and I think about it rationally, it did seem like that. I am completely furious.” Jean said in a sarcastic tone. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive you. I am completely and utterly devastated.”

“Completely?” Eren asked with a smile on his face. He turned to Jean briefly and broke out into a full grin. “How will I ever live with myself? I have yet again broken another heart.” He ran his fingers though his hair.

“Oh!” Jean placed his arm over his head. “I’m swooning! You’re so romantic Eren, please take me now!” He reached over and placed his arms around Erens neck and gave him a swift kiss on the cheek.

Eren grabbed Jeans left hand with his right and laced their fingers together bringing Jeans hand to his mouth for a brief kiss before resting both of their hands on the middle compartment in-between their seats. Jean felt his heart flutter and turned towards the window to hide his smile and blushing face. It had been a long time since anyone has made him feel like Eren has made him feel in the past few weeks. It was a rollercoaster of emotion from the start and he didn’t feel like that was going to end any time soon, he had a feeling that as long as Eren was in his life, he would continue to be surprised by everything Eren did, hopefully it would all be for the better.

Maybe he was only feeling this way because everything was so new? It felt almost like the “taking” stages right before a relationship was about to form. This stage always got him so excited and nervous at the same time, it always indicated that change was happening and whether or not the relationship happened. It was nice and all, but how were you supposed to feel when the relationship wasn’t even clear in the first place. Eren and Jean weren’t even friends to begin with, were they? They met a few week ago and their friends had become friends, but before Jean could bond with Eren in a platonic way they ended up going further than friends normally go. He was well aware that friends could do _things_ platonically, but there were feelings between them, otherwise he wouldn’t be fighting off a cheesy smile off his face every time Eren looked at him with those big green eyes. It was totally unfair really.

Jean continued to think about the boundaries between him and Eren as he zoned out. His face contorting a bit as his eyebrows furrowed and met in the middle. He unconsciously brought the hand the wasn’t intertwined with Eren’s to his mouth and started to chew on the skin around his finger, trying to find patches of skin that hadn’t already been torn off in his bad habit.

The radio was turned low on an old school rock station and went in and out of signal as the time passed by. Eren turned to look at Jean after a good 20 minutes of neither of them speaking, he noticed Jeans face and could help but feel a bit of tightening at his chest as he noticed how _cute_ Jean was when he had what he presumed was his thinking face on.

“Hey Jean.” Eren asked suddenly.

Jean snapped out of his thoughts and turned to Eren, wondering how long he had clocked out for. “Huh?” He responded.

“You make the ugliest faces when you’re zoned out.” Eren giggled. “You look constipated, I almost thought you were for a while.”

Jean growled and snatched his hand away as Eren broke out into full out laughter and grasped the wheel with both hands.

“As I said, romantic.” Jean crossed his arms across his chest and turned to stare out the window.

 _‘Yup.’_ He thought. _‘A rollercoaster_. _’_

* * *

 

The rest of the ride to Reisville consisted of Jean being mad at Eren for a grand total of five minutes, then pretending to be mad at him a little while longer to watch him sweat a bit. When he found out Jean had been faking for the better part of 15 minutes he started to pout. Jean would have stopped then, but Eren looked like a puppy who had been denied a tummy rub, it was a cute look on him.

When they reached the head ranch Jean waited in the car as Eren quickly unloaded his truck and clocked out of work. Once he finished everything he needed to do at the ranch he climbed back in the truck and started their quest back to Maria. Eren cleverly named it, MISSION: RETURN JEAN TO HIS MOMMY. Jean couldn’t help but laugh at the lame operation name. The last person he would take offense to mommy jokes from was Eren, between his actual mom and Mikasa, he had no room to talk.

Somewhere along the first five minutes their hands found each other’s once more and they fell into meaningless conversation. Jean found it weird how fast he could go from being mad at a dumb joke Eren made to feeling so comfortable because Eren had an “Old childhood friend” vibe to him sometimes.

He once again became consumed in thought and failed to notice the conversation trail off into silence. It wasn’t until he started to get uncomfortable that he realized Eren was going to ask the question that Jean had spent so much time himself trying to figure out and avoid thinking about simultaneously.

“So… I’m just going to go out and say it. What the hell are we? I mean-” He stopped and motioned to their hands. “Not to mention I sucked you off and I shared something with you that I didn’t even allow myself to think about.”

“Don’t make this gay Eren.” Jean joked, trying to lighten the mood. He was surprised when Eren ripped his hand out of Jeans once more and gripped the steering wheel tight. He suddenly remembered what Ymir told him all those nights ago. Maybe the ‘no homo’ jokes weren’t as funny as he thought they were. He kept his hand in the middle compartment where his and Eren’s used to be joined and stayed still, afraid that if he moved he might make things worse. His lips tightened into a thin like and looked down at his feet, contemplating on what he was going to say next. He felt horrible as it was, everything was going so well and the second they stared talking about whatever they were he _had_ to say something stupid.

“That wasn’t funny.” He said quietly, not bothering to look up, already knowing the annoyance and frustration on that he knew the other boy felt. His mood changed so fast, but he couldn’t blame him. Especially when they just left the heaping pile of homophobes Eren called co-workers. He probably dealt with that enough, he didn’t need Jean to make it any worse. “I’m sorry Eren.” He sighed deeply and ran both his hands through his sticky hair, the sweat long dried and now damp in the late July heat. He glanced over at Eren briefly and realized how tense his shoulders and arms were. “I’m a real asshole right? That’s why I kind of wanted to avoid this, I knew I would just fuck something up. You know I don’t mean it right? Not even ‘cause my best friends are gay, but because I really feel something for you and it scares me.” He noticed Eren become less and less stiff as he continued talking. “I haven’t been in a relationship for a while, and I’ve never thought about even looking at a boy and feel the things I feel for you much less think about having a boyfriend, plus not to mention the Grade A shit stain that was your ex. I just don’t want this to suck for either of us.” He looked over at Eren and gave him what he hoped was a sincere look. He was never good at expressing what he really felt, verbal or not, sometimes it was a good thing, but he never wished he never had that power more than right now.

“You really like me?” Erens face softened a bit. He sounded relieved, almost excited to hear Jean say it out loud.

“Of course you would only pick that up.” Jean smiled, happy that the conversation was starting to take a turn for the better. “I don’t just make out with _any_ dude, you gotta be pretty cool to get me to do that.”

“Well slap my bottom and call me Sally! I’m so flattered to be on your V.I.P list!” He laughed for a brief second before he turned to Jean completely deadpan. “No really, slap my bottom and call me Sally.”

“I hate you so much.” Jean snorted, not meaning a single word of it. They both shared a sincere laugh and once again linked hands, both hoping it lasted more than 10 minutes.

“So you like me, and I like you….” Eren started

“Really?” Jean smiled. “Because in the entire time we’ve been together, I don’t think I’ve ever heard the phrase _’I like you Jean.’_ Leave your mouth.”

The truth was, Eren didn’t have to even say the words “I like you” or anything of the sort, because ever since that night, that’s all he’d been saying with his body language, with his playful attitude and his eyes. It was crazy, everything always seemed to always go back to his eyes. It was like they held entire galaxies and every emotion at his disposal in them, they had the power to make you feel like he was about to murder you, or make you feel like the most interesting person alive. He’s like an open fucking book because as cheesy at it sounds, his eyes really were the portals to his soul. No matter how stupid he felt for thinking that, Eren had a way to make it seem alright, like he could never be stupid for feeling so strongly about him, it was a really nice feeling for lack of better words.

“I _really_ like you Jean. Like, really really.” Eren smiled. “If I didn’t like you then I wouldn’t have spent like three hours’ worth of gas money just to spend some time with you.”

“Are you done making excuses for not confessing your undying love for me?” Jean laughed as Eren took their joined hands and shoved Jean playfully. It was going much better than he expected, not to mention like he felt like he was floating. By the look on Erens face it was safe to assume that he was feeling the same way.

“So what are we gonna do about this? Continue being vague about everything and when someone asks what we are we can just say we’re really close cousins?”

“Well this is a small town, I hardly think anyone would be suspicious.”

Eren opened his mouth and started to stutter before a sudden realization hit him. “As much as I hate to admit it, you’re not wrong. I can’t even defend Reisville, or Maria for that matter.”

Jean was in stiches when he realized how dead serious Eren was. He gripped his hand a bit tighter and brought it to his lips for a kiss.

“…. How about we just take this slow, one step at a time. I don’t think either one of us are ready to jump into anything serious, regardless of what we might feel for each other.”

He was surprised by Erens response, he really wasn’t sure what to expect, but sure as hell not that. He thought that he was going to be the one to come up with a more realistic solution. “Well look at you being all adult-like and responsible!” Jean reached over and ruffled Eren’s clammy hair. Jean retracted his hand with a look of disgust once he realized Eren was still dirty and wiped his hand on Erens shirt.

“You know Jean, you don’t need an excuse to touch me.” Eren smirked mischievously.

“Fuck You Jaeger.” Jean stuck his tongue out at him.

“Oh I intend to.” Eren smirked at Jean, sending him the slightest wink.

* * *

 

After delivering a tiny baby Jean to the nest Eren decided to give himJean his number because as he put it- “If you’re going to be on lockdown and have so much time to think about me, might as well be able to talk to me. It’ll be almost the same, except you can’t touch this.” And then he proceeded to flex. Jean would never admit how impressive it was and opted to throw a dirty towel over his face before climbing out of the car and waving his goodbyes.

His grandmother was out on the porch reading a magazine as she usually did in the late afternoons. He greeted her with a kiss and walked in, pleasantly surprised as he found a text from Eren.

 **Nerd:**  
Miss me yet bby?

He couldn’t help but feel amazing and grin like an idiot before he responded.

 **Me:  
** Stop texting and driving, if you die I’m stealing all your shit.

 **Nerd:  
** Wouldnt that just be better 4 u thn? Besides im getting gas don’t worry ur pretty little butt

 **Me:  
** You’ve never even seen my butt!

 **Nerd:  
** Yet.

Jean smiled so hard that his cheeks hurt. He couldn’t quite remember the last time someone made him smile so hard his face was in physical pain. Probably never if he was being completely honest, when he was with Sasha, he was the one always trying to make her smile. It wasn’t like she never tried to make him feel good, that was just their dynamic. He couldn’t say he minded being on the receiving end though, especially if the person on the other end had the prettiest eyes in the country.

Texting every day for a week and late night phone calls about old T.V shows they used to watch had its advantages. He found out so much more about Eren in that span of time than he had in the entire month he’d known him, for instance he found out that Eren had a deep seeded fear of HIM from The Power Puff Girls because no one should trust anyone who could cause so much trouble while wearing those point shoes. After having an in-depth discussion about it they came to the conclusion that maybe the reason he was so nasty was because his shoes were uncomfortable and he took it out on everyone else.

What surprised Jean the most was the fact that even though they were so different in their interests and even in the way they were both brought up, they never ran out of things to talk about. Even small silences that they periodically had during their phone calls weren’t awkward, but comforting. It was nice just knowing there was someone else on the other line just as eager to talk to you as you were to them. He felt like a young teenager again instead of an almost adult about to make his way to college.

They got so cozy with each other that it was no surprise when Eren invited him and Ymir over for a big sleepover he agreed for the both of them. Inviting everyone else was mostly a cover to get to spend time together semi-privately without his parents asking 350 questions, plus since Eren lived on a large plot of land there was enough room for a few people to have a bonfire and sleep over. The date was set for the weekend and as he and the other boy were hashing out the details Jean told Ymir about it. She agreed immediately when she realized that Historia would be there, it didn’t really matter much though because she was going to get dragged along whether she liked it or not.

* * *

 

With Eren to talk with all day every day the weekend came by in the wink of an eye. They decided to leave right after work on Friday and his mother was so glad to see him go out again that she practically packed his bags for him. She was so set on punishing him by making him stay home that she forgot why she made him get a part time job in the first place. Anne had noticed the rise in his mood since his bike ride but didn’t press too much when he wouldn’t talk much about the details with her. She knew and trusted her son enough to know that when he really needed her or wanted to talk to her he would.

The entire ride there was filled with excitement on both of their parts. Jean couldn’t remember the last time they were both in such good moods, that little extra spring in their step as they walked to the car. He could only assume things were going well with Historia if not better than how it was going with him and Eren. Everything was going so smoothly that it almost seemed like a pre-teen novel, cheesy and the fact that it was enjoyed hidden from judging eyes (A.K.A. Ymir.)

Eren and Mikasa were there to greet them once they arrived, Eren not caring to hide the fact that he was so excited to see Jean again, leapt into his arms and gave him the warmest embrace they had both received in a long time. Mikasa and Ymir fist bumped and unloaded the food they brought from the car. They went inside and waited for Historia and Armin to arrive before they started up the little bonfire to roast some marshmallows for the s’mores.

It was weird to think how only a month ago the two groups of friends that were total strangers to each other were now such close friends. Jean took the initiative to sit next to Armin and apologize for anything that he may have done wrong at the party, whether or not he felt like he did anything wrong didn’t mean that Armin wasn’t hurt by anything he might have done. He was relieved to find out that Armin wasn’t mad at him after all, just a bit shocked at what he found the next morning. Quite a bit of He and Eren’s phone calls were about Armin and his little crush for Jean. Eren did feel bad about what had happened considering he knew about the crush the blonde boy had, but they were able to make up quickly as well.

They had the night and the next day to themselves seeing as the brunettes parents were out of town for a date weekend that they took every two months. Something about how having two kids was the greatest gift from God, but every couple needed time for themselves. Mikasa and Eren couldn’t have agreed more.

The commotion and talk started to die down at around midnight and they all decided to head in for the night. Armin roomed with Mikasa and everyone insisted that Ymir and Historia take the guest bedroom, and of course no one protested or even wanted to think about the fact that Jean was going to room with Eren. Being tired didn’t stop them from continuing to watch Netflix for another hour before Jean excused himself to the restroom to brush his teeth and change, deciding what he was going to do if Eren or even he would do if they made a move. Just thinking about what they had talked about doing got him a bit aroused. He finished up quickly and went back to the room to find Eren dosing off a bit at the end of his bed, the soft light from the T.V shining on his face softly. He looked so innocent sleeping like that and then he felt it, the little pangs that he identified as “ _The Beginning Stages of Love_ ” and it frightened him. Jean grabbed his phone and scribbled out a message on a pile of sticky notes he found near the entrance of his room and scrabbled out a note.

**Gonna make a phone call outside brb**

And with that he left, practically running down the stairs as quietly as possible to not arouse suspicion. He walked outside and quietly closed the door as he scrolled through his contacts as he stopped at the number he’d been needing to call. He touched the name and the call icon and let the phone ring, becoming more and more anxious and time passed by, worried that the person he needed the most right now wouldn’t pick up his call.

“The person you have called has no time for morons. Please hand up and dial again, or wait for the tone.” He heard the other person answer.

“Haha very funny Sahsa.” He said dryly, not even bothering to humor her.

“You never were very funny this late at night, or early morning, what’s got you up so late?”

“I need some advice.”

“The Great Jean Kirstein needs me?! But a mortal peasant! I think Hell just froze over.”

“Do you remember when we first dated?”

“Woah Jean! Where is this coming from? I know I’ve got an ass that won’t quit but that’s no excuse for wanting me back.”

“It’s not about that Sash, I’m kinda… I’m kinda in a rut right now.”

“Ohh! Story time, tell mommy about all your problems!”

“That was _one_ time Sahsa! You said it wasn’t creepy!”

“I also said I didn’t want to go too deep into your mommy obsessions so I guess we should stop that here. Hurry tell me what’s up before you forget!”

“Fine! Ok, so you know how I come to Maria for the summers right? Well, I kind of got into a fight with someone my first week here and almost got fired from the job I’m working at with Ymir.”

“What a surprise Jean. You? Fight? Who would have thought?”

“I hate you. Anyways! Well me and this person have kind of bonded over the past few weeks over some personal stuff and we even got involved sexually, there are a few problems with that but I’ll touch up on it later. We started developing feeling for each other and I know they’re genuine and everything but just right now I… I think I’m starting to fall in love with him.”

He took a deep breath and realized he’s been talking so fast that he forgot to breathe. He waited for her response and grew more and more anxious the longer the pause went on.

“And?” She replied.

“And?! And what?!”

“So you’re in love with this person big deal, where’s the crisis?”

He removed the phone from his ear and stared at it.

“I know you’re giving me a weird look Jean don’t think I can’t see you.”

Jean placed the phone back to his ear and took a deep breath, visualizing the anxiety as black smoke leaving his body.

“I- I feel like it’s too soon for that don’t you think?”

“Baby girl, I took me all of a week after we started dating to fall in love with you.”

“What the hell? That quick? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?!”

“Because I knew you would freak out, like you’re doing now! Look what happened in our relationship is in the past and that’s not what this is about right now. Jean, all relationships are different and no two will ever be the same. That goes for love as well, I fell in love with you way quicker than you did me and it took me longer to fall in love with Connie than I did you. Just because it took me longer doesn’t make it any less valid and the reverse is also true. I can understand if you’re scared because I’m pretty sure there’s more to the story that’s complicating this, but this is the main issue right.”

He nodded a few timed before realizing that she couldn’t see him.

“Yeah.” He mumbled, suddenly too tired to think. He aimless took a step forward and felt a sharp fain in the ball of his foot immediately as it touched the ground. “Ah shit!” he cursed a little louder than he intended. He held his foot up as he balanced on the other leg and shoved his phone between his shoulder and his face. It was hard to tell with the lack of light outside but he could still make out a fairly large thorn stuck in the middle of his foot. That’s what he got for walking outside barefoot he supposed.

“Did you stub your toe or something?” She asked, poorly disguising her giggles.

Sometimes it scared him how well she really knew him.

“Yeah kind of. So, you think I should go for it?”

“I’m not telling you to not go for it, but I don’t what the entire situation and even if I did it still wouldn’t be my call. This is about you and that other person. I’m all for you going to date someone you love because in the end it’s always worth it, whether you stay together or not. I just want you to be happy Jean.”

Jean smiled and felt a wave of relief wash over him. He was so thankful to still have her in his life, especially as a friend.

“Do you always know what to say? Are you sure you don’t like, stalk me or something to see what’s going on in my life?”

“Yeah because I have nothing better to do than to stalk my ex.”

They both shared a laugh and Jean was so lost in the conversation that he didn’t hear the door open behind him.

“Jean?” Eren called groggily.

“I’ll be right there!” He responded.

“I gotta to man, I’ll talk to you later. Thank again.”

“Goodnight Jean!”

“Goodnight.”

With their departing words Jean hung up and made his way back to the other boy who looked so young in his Superman pajama bottoms.

“Is everything all right? How long have you been out here?” Eren asked.

“Since I finished brushing my teeth, what woke you up?”

“I heard someone curse outside so I came to check and I see you looking real happy on a phone call.”

“Jealousy makes you ugly.” Jean smiled.

“Please.” Eren snorted. “You looked like you were buying pot for the first time in a while.”

“How do you know I wasn’t?”

“I don’t.”

Jean grabbed Eren by the waist and pulled the other boy close to his chest. “Let’s go back upstairs.” He said in a hushed tone, noticing the blush that was creeping up on Erens face. The brunette nodded as he took Jeans hand and let him upstairs and into his room, making sure to lock the door. Jean sat down on the bed and led Eren to him, making sure he was sitting on his lap. He grabbed Erens face and caressed it as his eyes searched the other boys. He let one hand fall to the others waist and guided the hand still on his face to his mouth, heavy lidded eyes fluttering shut as they planted light kisses on each other’s lips.

It always seemed to start this way, gentle loving kisses like they were afraid of hurting one another. Soon his other hand fell to Erens lower back as the younger boy reached down to Jeans shirt and ghosted the skin underneath, occasionally tugging upwards, as if to ask permission to take it off. He decided to take a leap of faith and move his hands down to the others boys ass, squeezing gently. Eren must have taken the hint because he broke the kiss and practically tore Jeans shirt off, lifting his harms enough for Jean to remove his shirt as well. As soon as both their shirts were off hands started wandering everywhere from necks, to biceps, to the chests that were rubbing up against each other in an attempt to get closer than what should be humanly possible. The entire time Jean couldn’t seem to keep his hands anywhere but Erens ass, squeezing more and more and grinding their ever growing erections together.

“Ahh! Nnn!” Eren moaned, pulling away from Jean and panting a little. He moved his hips forward and threw his head back as he tried to keep his voice as quiet as possible so he didn’t disrupt anyone. It was a real shame too, Jean really loved the sounds that Eren made when he felt good. He decided to take advantage of the Erens arched back and flicked his tounge over an exposed nipple, cause the other boy to shudder. He continued to do so until he couldn’t take it anymore and flipped him over so Jean was now on top. Jean quickly removed his and Erens bottoms and continued licking and sucking on Erens nipples, one had keeping their erections pressed together.

Eren was a wonton mess of moans and panting, hands covering his mouth and grabbing at the sheets in a feeble attempt to keep his sanity. It was like Jean knew exactly where to touch and what to do to make him unable to think a coherent thought. All he was thinking about was trying not to come too fast. He wanted to savor this feeling for at least longer than two minutes. With every thrust of Jeans hips it was getting harder and harder to keep control, especially now that his mouth had moved to Erens neck while his hand continued to tweak at his nipples and wander all over his abdomen.

Eren was bucking his hips up when the familiar hot sensation started building in his the pit of his stomach. His moans became more sloppy and throaty as he gave up any struggle he had left in him and gave in to the building pressure in his cock. He gave a few shaky thrust upwards before he felt the sweet release of is orgasm take over, his entire body stiffened and shook as he lay speechless beneath Jean.

Jean let go of Eren and let him revel in the afterglow as concentrated his hand around his own dick, not being too far away from finding his own orgasm. He would be lying if he said that watching the other boy in his moment of pure ecstasy didn’t bring him over the edge that much sooner. He came across Erens body, semen mixing with the other boys and fell beside him as he waited for the pleasure to subside.

They were all too familiar with the cleanup that came afterwards, once they both felt they could walk without their legs shaking, they got up and quickly wiped themselves off. Getting back into bed seemed to be the unspoken priority between them. Eren was the one to finish first and slipped back into bed, looking a bit distracted at Jean as he walked over to his boxers to slip on.

“Hey Jean?” Eren said meekly.

“Yeah?” He answered curiously, stopping the boxers at mid-thigh.

“Can we… Can we cuddle?” He looked away.

Jean smiled and pulled his boxers the rest of the way on. “Of course we can.” He started to make his way back to the bed, only stopping when he saw Erens hand blocking his access to the bed.

“I meant naked.” He said more confidently.

“O-okay?” Jean replied. “Can I ask why though? Could it be that perhaps you didn’t have enough of me?” He winked.

“You’ll see when you get your pale ass over here.” Eren giggled.

“Well when you say it like that it just makes me want to run to you all the faster.”

“Come on man it’s like a nightlight in here!”

“You really know how to sweet talk a man.” Jean stripped his boxers once more and this time was allowed to enter the bed, finally feeling how tired he really was once his head hit the pillow.

Eren scurried over to Jean and let his rest on his chest, moving his arms underneath his neck and over him, bringing him in for a close embrace.

“This feels strangely… intimate.” Jean mumbled, nudging closer to Eren and breathing in his scent. He no longer smelled like he used to, but like a combination of sweat and the two of them, it brought Jean a great happiness to realize that he probably smelled the same way. It was a unique scent that only the two of them could create.

“It feels really secure right? It’s called skin to skin contact and it’s important in babies for building bonds of trust with their parents or caregivers. It might sound weird but I really wanted to so it with you, and I’m glad I built up the courage to ask you.” Eren said as he ran his fingers up and down Jeans back.

“Me too.” Jean responded sleepily, feeling himself sink further and further into sleep.

“Good night Jean.” Eren kissed his forehead.

 _“Good night Eren.”_ Jean thought right before he completely knocked out for the night.

* * *

 

The morning sun greeted Jean with one if its rays peeking through Erens blinds so perfectly that it hit him directly in the eyes. He turned around to escape the light, but it was of no use, he was already up for the day whether he wanted to be or not. He took a deep breath closed his eyes, noticing the air condition unit rumble quietly in the background along with another familiar sound. He turned around and ducked his head underneath the Erens steadily rising chest. He looked up at his face and realized where he heard the other sound before, it was the sound of Erens snoring. Was there anything that Eren did that wasn’t cute? He reached up above the other boys face and gave a slight squeeze to his nose, chuckling quietly when Eren reached up and swatted the hand away. He turned around and continued to sleep.

Jean contemplated between letting him sleep in or waking him up to play. However long it took him to decide was as long as he felt he could be awake without Eren in Erens room. He reached over and pinched Erens nose, this time a bit harder, and waited for him to wake up. Twenty seconds went by before Eren opened his mouth and gasped, waking up with a jolt. He looked over at Jean with disheveled wide eyes still trying to catch his breath.

“Good morning sunshine!” Jean grinned.

“What time is it?” Eren looked over at the clock beside his bed. 7:45 a.m. “Why the hell are you even up?”

“Because your blinds suck and once I’m up I’m up for good.”

“Did you have to make me suffer with you? Couldn’t have you just like, watched me sleep or played with your phone or something?”

“I mean yeah, but I wanted to play with something else.” He lowered his voice and reached over to Eren, giving him a kiss to the cheek.

“You have the most rancid morning breath.”

“You always know how to kill the mood don’t you?”

“I cannot tell a lie Jean.” He rolled over and pulled Jean to his chest. “You know we could just lay here and talk for a bit.”

“Talk about what? Your undying love for me?”

“I guess you could call it that.” He paused. “I kind of want to talk about us, you know?”

“What about us?” Jean swallowed, he felt his stomach churn uncomfortably. He was hoping to avoid this conversation for a while, especially since he was trying to factor in is talk with Sasha. “Haven’t we already talked about this? We said we would go slow didn’t we?”

“I mean yeah but –“

“Well then what’s the rush? We still got time.” He kissed under Erens jaw, hoping to distract him from the conversation. He wasn’t ready to talk about anything. Everything had been going so well for them so far.

“Jean really, I want to talk about this seriously.” Eren pushed him away and sat up to the edge of the bed.

Jean stayed on the side of the bed that he slept in, feeling too weak to move.

“I think we could actually become a ‘we’. I mean, we’ve spent so much time talking and it’s obvious we both really want this. We work so well together and it just… It just makes sense.” He turned around and looked at Jean with his big emerald eyes, looking so small and otherworldly.

“We had fun yeah.” Jean replied. “Hey I’m feeling kind of tired again, I think we should go back to sleep.” He turned around to escape the other boys gaze. He felt like he was going to suffocate.

“Are you? Or are you just trying to avoid the conversation?” He heard Eren say. He didn’t respond, maybe he would think Jean really did fall asleep. “I know you’re not sleeping Jean, why are you trying to avoid this? Was this just some game to you? Was this like a challenge for you or something? See how far the venerable kid would go?”

“Look Eren can we just drop this?” Jean immediately shot back. It wasn’t true. It wasn’t true at all. What he felt for Eren was so genuine it hurt, it hurt so much to not be able to go to the person you like so much and yell to the heavens how much you like them. He didn’t want to rush into this before either of them were ready just so everything can get messed up. Liking someone and being able to be in a relationship with someone were two completely different things. “I really don’t feel well and I don’t want to get into this right now.” He took a deep breath and tried to calm down, if he lost his temper it wouldn’t be long before Eren lost his.

“But you didn’t feel bad when you wanted to have morning sex just now? How convenient.” Eren muttered under his breath.

“You don’t get it, do you Eren?” Jean stated to raise his voice. “You can’t just fucking push people to do things they’re not sure about. That’s how you end up with mistakes.” He regretted it as soon as it came out. He looked down, too ashamed to see the look on Erens face.

“So that’s what I am to you? A mistake?” Eren was starting to lose his temper, voice raising steadily.

“That’s not what I meant.” He was trying to control his anger. He knew it wasn’t Erens fault that he didn’t know what was going on inside Jeans head, but it still made him angry that Eren didn’t even bother to try and see this from his point of view.

“Was I just another quick fuck to you too?” He said as he got up, pulling on random pieces of clothing.

Jean was so furious he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He got up and got dressed as well, not sure how to respond to that. Eren seemed to have already made up his mind about him so trying to defend himself was out of the question. What was left then? Did he try to calm Eren down, orr would he just accuse him of trying to avoid conversation again? No matter how he tried to look at things, he couldn’t see a situation where he could win.

“What? Did I did the nail on the head? I should have expected this from the straight guy.” Eren spat.

“Well now that it looks like you’ve got me all figured out then do you still want to talk about this? Fine, I’ll go first. Hey Eren do you want to date the fucking straight guy who took advantage of you while you were sad and hurt and lonely and crying to see how far he could get you to go? Or do you want to add the fact that I was just using you to experiment my weird repressed gay thoughts with?!” He didn’t mean a single word he said. He couldn’t even understand what he was saying. It was like he was having an outer body experience, it was like a bad nightmare that wouldn’t stop. He could almost see himself outside of his body.

That seemed to do it though. If he wanted to push Eren to the point of almost breaking, he had succeeded. He’s never felt worse in his life, not even when his granny stayed up all night to worry about him. He was no better than that shit bag of an ex-boyfriend Reiner.

“Eren I’m-“

“Get the fuck out.” Eren cut him off, no longer bothering to control his voice. “I don’t ever want to see your stupid face again.”

“You know what? That might be the best thing I’ve heard come out of your loud mouth since the moment I met you.” He yelled back. He grabbed his overnight bad and pushed the door open, ignoring the worried faces coming from Armin and Mikasa standing beside Erens room. Jean ran down the stairs and stopped at the door of Ymirs room.

“Ymir! We’re fucking leaving, get your lanky ass out here.” He knocked at the door, turning around to leave as soon as he finished, not bothering to wait for a response.

He needed to get out of that house, his chest felt like it was constricting so much that he thought he was going to pass out. Never in his life was he so glad that Ymir left her door unlocked and climbed into the passenger seat, throwing his bags in the back. He pressed his hands to his eyes and kept them there, trying his hardest not to break down before they even got the chance to leave the property. He was trying so hard not to cry that he didn’t notice Ymir getting into the car until she revved up the engine.

“I was furious until I saw you there.” She started backing the car up into the main road. “Jesus Christ Jean, what happened? You look like shit.”

“I’m sorry.” His voice cracking, the beginning of a sobbing fit starting to make its way through his hands.

_‘I’m so sorry Eren.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got a chance to update! It felt so nice to get back to this and be able to write again, especially since school has been so busy. This is a really long chapter (I'm sorry) and there's only one more left to go! I'm so happy but really sad to see this story end. I just wanted to say thank you to all those who left comments and kudos on this work because it's given me the motivation to continue writing despite my busy schedule. I'm going to update this again after this semester is over (the last week of August). I'm in my second to last semester of my undergrad and as it stands I have at least one quiz and test every single day for the next four weeks, plus homework. This story has been what's keeping me sane on those nights where anxiety just keeps me awake. I'm sorry for babbling so much! I really really hope you liked this chapter and any feedback is welcomed! I also hope you guys like the next chapter!


	5. Chapter 5

“Jean I think we need to talk.” Ymir stepped away from the counter as she removed her uniform apron. 

“About what?” Jean mumbled, scrubbing on the same spot on a table for the past 45 minutes. He knew the spot was never coming out. It had always been on the table for as long as he could remember, but maybe if he tried long enough today it would come off.

“Your face.” She said, getting closer to him.

“What about it?” 

“You’re scaring people away. You’ve been scowling non stop since we got back from the sleepover.”

Jean paused ever so slightly, scowl deepening before he returned to scrubbing the table. This time with more force.

“Jean!” She reached for his towel and snatched it up, effectively throwing it to the table across from them. “You’ve been spaced out this entire time and have said three words to me since then. I didn’t force you to talk about it because I saw how upset it made you, but it’s been a week and you still haven’t even thought of talking to me have you?”

He stayed quiet and continued to stare at that  _ stupid _ stain he tried so hard to get rid of. Ignoring Ymir, he started scraping at it with his nails, which he had chewed to the nub.

Ymir grabbed his hands and moved her free hand to his face. “Fucking look at me Jean! Just because today’s your last day of work doesn’t mean it's ok to act like this. You’ve been making mistakes all week and I’m tired of having to cover for you. Your mom and your grandma are beyond worried about you, but don’t want to push you too far.”

He flinched at that. She got him. “Look,” she loosened her grip on his hands and let go of his face. “What happened that night?”

“Why don’t you ask Historia? She should know about everything.” He looked away from her again, putting his face in his hands.

“Okay first of all, I don’t want to hear about what happened from Historia or Eren for that matter because  _ you’re  _ my best friend and I want to hear it from you and two, there are always three sides to each story: yours, theirs, and the truth, and before I even think about sharing theirs I want to hear yours”

Jean took a deep breath and shakily exhaled. He tried so hard to not think about it, but failed miserably. If he said it wasn’t taking up approximately 96% of his day then he would be lying. It even kept him awake most of the nights since then. Neither he nor Eren had contacted each other, but he tried. The countless number of drafts sitting on his inbox and the hours he had spent thinking of a message can contest to that. 

The part that hurt the most was that he wasn’t sure if Eren was agonizing over it the same way. Even though Jean knew that he was the one who started it and he was the one who ran out on Eren, he still couldn’t help but feel that way.

“Wanna sleep over tonight?” Ymir asked in the motherly way she did when she was worried about someone.

Jean paused to think it over. They both knew his answer before she even finished her question. He nodded weakly and removed his apron, taking his time to slowly fold it and put it away in his locker. Ymir lead him out quickly and escorted him to her car with a firm grip as if she was scared he was going to run away at any second.

“I hate how you do that.” Jean muttered as she shut her door.

“What?” She asked as a second thought as she turned on the car and pulled out of the empty parking lot.

“How you make me feel safe, even when you’ve got a vice grip on me.” A small smile broke onto his face. “I know it sounds stupid, but it felt like a hug, except it was your hand on my arm.”

“Don’t make it gay Jean.” She said flatly. Her face was illuminated softly in the dull streetlight lining the roads to her house. “How long has it been since you’ve actually slept?”

Jean looked out the window and opted not to answer her. He never really noticed how many stars there were in the sky. He usually spent his time looking at his phone or zoning out that he never took the time to really appreciate all that the little town had to offer. There was so much he hadn’t explored. Within the span of a few weeks he got a job, made new friends, and discovered something about himself that he was glad had waited until he was in a more comfortable place in life. He suddenly felt like there was so much more that he was missing out on that he never bothered with before. He had gotten so used to the same routine with the same people that he almost forgot to try new things.

As they reached closer and closer to Ymir’s house he felt himself grow more and more anxious. Partly because he was so glad to finally be getting to talk about everything that had been going on.

They pulled up to Ymir’s driveway and before he knew it he was sitting in his favorite spot in Ymir’s room telling her every detail from the time he threw the first punch to the time he ran out of Eren’s house. He spared no detail, much to Ymir’s dismay, and talked so fast he wasn’t even sure he was speaking English anymore.

Thank God for Ymir’s ability of being able to keep up.

“So basically you were overwhelmed?” She finally asked when Jean finally caught his breath.

“I guess yeah.” He grabbed her pillow and pulled it close to his chest. It must have been quite a sight to see a grown man hugging a pink frilly pillow, but he just couldn’t bring himself to care. It felt good just to talk to her.

“You and I both know there’s more to it than that Jean.”

“I mean, okay…. Look.” He ran his hand through his hair and shifted around the bed trying to get comfortable. It was going to be a long rant. Ymir gave him as much time as he needed to try and get comfortable. She knew him too well to know that, more than anything else, he needed mental preparation more than physical comfort. He shifted around for a minute before he decided on lying on his side with his knees curled towards his chest. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, preparing to verbalize all of the feelings and emotions he has been struggling with for a week.

“Okay. Let’s just say for a second that Eren being a guy and me actually having feelings for a guy for the first time ever doesn’t matter; because if we’re being completely and totally honest here, it really doesn’t play as big a factor as anyone who isn’t me might think. Like it might, but not for the reasons that it sounds like. Okay, when Sasha and I started dating it took us a while to be able to make that transition from ‘touching hands feels like too much’ to, ‘come over so I can touch you and tell you how pretty you are’ to, ‘let’s have sex.’ With Eren it happened in less than a month, like there was almost no transition from one to the other. It didn’t even happen in that order Ymir!” He raised his voice.

She lifted her finger to her lips and he took a deep breath. He knew it was late and her parents were already asleep, but he couldn’t control his voice very well when he was tired.

“Sorry.” He lowered his voice to a near whisper. “I’m scared. I’m scared that he has the power to make me feel so vulnerable against him. And it terrifies me that I’m completely okay with that. It frustrates me to no end that someone can have so much power over you without even realizing it.”

“Ain’t that the truth.” Ymir agreed. 

“Eren has problems, and before you throw me under the bus for judging someone when I probably have more issues than everyone in this little town combined, let me explain.” He shifted again, trying to stall long enough to gather his thoughts. “I feel like he’s only using me as an escape from a shitty ex and a shitty situation. Like who’s even still friends with someone that hurt your best friend like that?! Do they not have the decency to not have Reiner around Eren when he hurt him like that?”

He looked over at Ymir and waited for her nod of confirmation. When it never came he continued anyway.

“If something ends up happening between us I want it to be because we genuinely want to be together and  _ not _ because he’s trying to run from problems he doesn’t realize he’s running from.”

“That sounds a lot like someone I know.”

Jean pursed his lips. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“You are so far into denial that you’ve left the plane of existence haven’t you?” 

“I don’t follow.” 

“Eren wanted to at least talk this entire thing over with you, but you just up and left him sitting alone in his room. Like you literally ran from him, not metaphorically like you claim he was trying to do.”

Jean rose slowing, making sure to turn to Ymir when he was sitting all the way up.

“Oh my God.” Jean breathed. “I’m a douchebag.” He exhaled.

Ymir nodded, sympathizing with his realization. “Now that you’ve come to terms with it, we can start your recovery.”

“I am complete garbage Ymir.” He pulled his knees to his chest and hugged them tightly.

“Well yes,” She agreed. “But not for the reasons that you’re probably thinking. You’re not a bad person Jean, just a teenager. And while that may not be an excuse for any of the shitty things that have gone on, it’s not entirely your fault either.”

Jean turned his face in her direction while still avoiding contact. She went on after she realized she had his attention.

“Eren really shouldn’t have pushed the subject either, you guys have known each other for, less than a month? And you’ve only seen each other a handful of times, and only two of those encounters ended up without a fight.”

“Well the thing is,” Jean spoke up. “We kind of did discuss it before, when I got lost out in the boonies and he had to give me a ride home. We established that we both liked each other, but I still don’t know how real it is, like is he just using me to get over Reiner? To show him that he’s better off without him?

“Or are you just scared that he’ll be like a Sasha and leave you for someone else? In this case Reiner when he inevitably asks for Eren back?”

“Ok first of all!” Jean snapped. He threw the pillow he was holding across the bed and sat up. “Our breakup was mutual, we both knew that it was going to end sooner or later; and second, her and Con are literally the most perfect couple so even if she did full on dump me to be with him, I still wouldn’t be angry at her because she doesn’t have to stay with someone she has no feelings for. She deserves better than that.”

Ymir nodded and moved up from her spot on the floor onto her bed. Jean felt the bad shift from her weight as she settled down next to him.

“I’m tired Ymir.” Jean sighed.

“I don’t blame you.” She flicked at his ear. He tried to smack her arm away, but gave up when he accidentally hit himself in the face. “You think too much Jean, go to sleep.”

For the first time in a while, he felt the urge to lay down and sleep for a very long time.

Jean slept the entirety of the night well into the early afternoon of the next day. God knows how long he could have slept if it weren’t for his mom calling him to get his sorry butt home. Ymir made him breakfast and went about the day like the night before didn’t happen, Jean was silently thankful for that.

Ymir noticed a big shift in his attitude, he looked… less exhausted, if that was even the right word. He didn’t look as drained as he did when he left the party, but he wasn’t even remotely close to being himself again.

“I’m leaving tomorrow.” Jean said quietly after staring blankly at the ceiling for what seemed like an eternity.

“I thought you had another week?”

“I thought so too.” He continued staring at the ceiling. “Apparently my mom needs to get back to work because there were ‘unforeseen troubles’ with the computer systems back home so they need everyone back ASAP to help fix it.”

They sat in silence, either one too somber to say anything. Ymir broke the silence after what felt like an eternity. “How are you feeling?” She asked him, staring at the wall behind him. She saw him shake his head in response. “I thought so.” She mumbled just out of earshot of him.

“You know Jean…” She said a bit louder. “There is still time to see him and make it right, you have about 14 hours, give or take, before you leave.”

Jeans heart started to race. She was right, but the most terrifying part about that was the fact that  _ she was right. _ He could ask Ymir to drive him to Eren and she would no questions asked, there was literally nothing standing in the way of the hour drive from him to Eren.

Except himself.

They hadn’t talked at all since Jean ran out on him and he wasn’t sure if Eren even wanted to talk to him. Jean wouldn’t want to talk to Eren either if he just up and left in the middle of the night. He could have picked up his phone whoever he wanted and just called Eren, but he didn’t. There were so many messages that Jean left unsent he wondered if he would ever get the courage to even text Eren again.

“He probably doesn’t even want to see me Ymir.” Jean felt his spine turn to jelly. He felt like a failure, completely useless. He couldn’t even gather the courage to apologize to the guy he was so hopelessly crazy about. The guy who he spend the better half of his days pulling his hair out over.

“What if he does want to see you Jean? Does that mean just because he  _ might _ not want to see you you’re not even going to fucking try-”

“You don’t get it Ymir!” He cut her off. “I don’t  _ deserve  _ to see him after what I did. You don’t just literally run out of someone’s life and expect them to forgive you for it.” He huffed. 

“Do you even  _ want _ forgiveness Jean? Because it seems to me you don’t even want to try and make things better, probably because if you do then you would have nothing to complain about.” 

“Shut. Up. Ymir.”

“Ohh hit a nerve did I? I mean, why else you look so mad right now if it weren’t true. ‘Oh poor me! My life always sucks and I have so many problems! My love life is always a mess and no one understands how I feel-” Jean cuffed Ymir’s mouth gently and looked up at her, eyes pleading for her to stop.

“I get it.” He said softly. “I know I’m throwing myself a pity party right now and yeah, I get that I look really pathetic and I’ll admit that I truly am pathetic. I know.” He let go of her mouth slowly and took a step back, running long slender fingers through the outgrown blonde hair on his head. He was tired, the dark circles and pale lips on his face were were a testament to that. His hands fell to his hips as he paced around for a minute, collecting his thoughts.

Ymir looked at him cautiously, not daring to do more than blink for fear of shattering him.

“I’m scared.” He finally whispered. His eyes and nose were red. “I’m scared that I treated him as bad as that asshole treated him. I’m scared that I can’t give him the relationship he wants and deserves, and most of all I’m scared that he’ll hate me.”

He sat down with his shoulders hunched over and closed his eyes. He felt so defeated. There were so many thoughts running through his head that he felt like it was all just white noise. nothing made sense anymore, answering any of Ymir’s questions made him feel like he was back in his high school AP physics class. He thought he knew exactly what was going on, but when it was time to answer a question he was suddenly flooded with all the different ways of solving it. He knew all the ways of getting to the answer, but he could never actually find the answer, he could never connect all of the dots.

His thoughts went uninterrupted as Ymir sat down next to him on her couch. Jean was so lost in thought he didn’t feel the couch shift to her weight.

“You matter too Jean.” She said.

“What?”

“Your happiness here matters too. You might have been in the wrong here but it wasn’t completely your fault. For Christ’s sake Jean, you’re a fucking teenager. You’re not supposed to have anything figured out, much less your freaking sexuality. It’s okay. You’re okay.” She took her hand and placed it on his back, rubbing smooth circles in the spot his own mother usually would.

For the first time in days Jean felt like he could rest; and for the first time since his father passed away, he cried. It started off slow at first, first one, then two tears rolled down his cheek. It happened fast, and he didn’t even realize he was crying until his eyes were swollen and he couldn’t breathe. Ymir naturally caught him in an embrace and helped him slowly ride out his emotions. With every breath he let go and with every tear that fell he could feel the negative feelings and emotions from the past months escape him. 

He was sure that most of the tears were from finally being able to let everything out, and just like the tears started, they stopped. He pulled away from Ymir feeling like he just got hit by a bus, feeling the aftereffects of spilling out the raw emotions he had been pushing down for so long. 

“I’m ready to go home.” He said softly. He lifted himself from the couch and moved towards her room to gather his things. 

“Are you okay?” She called to him from the couch.

“I’ve come to terms with not seeing him again. I mean, who knows what’ll happen from here until I come back to visit right?” He appeared at the doorway with his bags, ready to go.

He made his way to the door, not bothering to look back to make sure that Ymir was coming. She followed behind him quietly. Nothing she could say would change his mind, and maybe that was for the better. 

The ride home was filled with comfortable silence. 

The late night sky duly illuminated the fading design on Eren T-shit that Jean was wearing. Lately he couldn’t seem to go on without it, he would do everything with it on only changing when he absolutely had to step out of his house. He didn’t even remove the shirt long enough to be able to wash it. It wasn’t his finest moment, but he didn’t want what was left of Eren’s fading scent to disappear like Eren also had.

He looked over at his night stand and reached for his phone. 10:47 P.M. He had officially been lying in bed for over 8 hours. That was a new record, usually he needed to get out and about after 2 hours. The threw his phone beside him on the bed and rolled over. There was no use to being awake if he wasn’t going to do any good with it. 

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying not to think of everything he was leaving behind. It wouldn’t be the last time he would be in be in Maria, hell it wouldn’t even be the last time this year he would be there. One summer, not unlike all the rest, one summer and his life was changed for the better part of his one. 

He took a deep breath and held it in, thinking about all of the crap the last week had dealt him. He exhales slowly, turning all of the bad thoughts and memories into black smoke escaping out of his body. It made him feel somewhat better. It wasn’t perfect, but he would take it. 

His phone buzzed twice and suddenly his room was washed in dull white light. He turned slowly and caught a glimpse of the message on the screen atop of the wallpaper of him and his mom before the screen went black again. he stared at the the blue light on his phone go on and off for what felt like an hour before he picked it up. He turned it on and laughed when he saw who it was from. ‘ _ I’ve got to be dreaming.’  _ he thought. He put his phone down and rubbed his eyes a few times before picking it up again and responding faster than he expected.

**Assface <3** **  
** You awake?

**Me:** **  
** Unfortunately.

**Assface <3** **  
** Come outside?

‘ _ Come outside?’  _ Jean got up and looked out of his window. 

“Holy shit.” He whispered. His eyes went wide and his mouth gaped open. He turned around and all but ran downstairs. He suddenly didn’t care that he was in his boxers and Eren's shirt, not to mention his lack of shoes in the hot August sun.

He stopped to a halt at his front door and opened it slowly. The last thing he wanted was to have to explain to his grandmother why he was standing outside in front of another young man in his boxers. 

Once he was outside the reality of what he had been dreaming about for days finally sunk in. Eren was sitting on the hood of his truck in his usual tank top and jeans get-up. His heart fluttered in his chest. He felt so full that if this was a dream he didn't ever want to wake up. 

“Hey.” Eren said, jumping off the hood of his car.

“Hey.” Jean replied as he tried to shove his hands into the pockets of his Jeans he was too distracted to put on. He missed and pretended he was wiping his palms on his boxers.

“I like your outfit.” Erem smiled.

Jean felt his heart still.

“Thanks.” He breathed, trying desperately not to run to him.

Eren moved forward a few steps and looked at Jeans feet.

“I hear you leave tomorrow morning.” Eren said. “Historia told me.”

“Am I the gossip trend of the week?”

“Something like that.” Eren paused. “You never texted.” He said, looking directly at Jean

“Neither did you.” Jean snapped. Eren took two steps back and exhaled.

“I didn’t come here to fight-” Eren started.

“Then why did you?” Jean raised his voice. He looked up at Eren and regretted opening his mouth almost instantly. Eren looked like a kicked puppy. He rubbed his mouth with his hand and averted his eyes again. “I’m sorry.” He apologized.

He took Eren's silence as a cue to keep going.

“You know it’s funny.” Jean said with a straight face. “I can feel myself being an asshole, but I can’t seem to make myself stop.”

“Oh you’re aware of it?” Eren snorted. “I thought that was just you.”

“You saying you have a type?” Jean retorted. “Crap. I’m sorry. I honestly didn’t mean it.”

“I think I’m sensing a theme here Jean. Do you just not think before you open your mouth?”

Jean laughed and moved closer to him. “I used to not, but then someone punched almost punched me in the face. I kind of wish he had now.”

“Maybe if you weren't so on guard all of the time someone could.” Eren finally looked up at him and smiled again. 

“I missed you so much.” Jean said. He closed the distance and between them and pulled eren in for an embrace. Eren's arms immediately told hold of Jeans waist and buried his face against Jeans shoulder. Jean inhaled Erens scent; it was so much better than the T-shirt he basically stole from him. 

“Now I believe it.” Eren whispered into his ear. 

Jean pulled away and moved his hand to Eren's face. “We should talk.” He said.

“Yeah.” Eren agreed. He moved his hand to meet Jeans. He leaned into the touch and closed his eyes. “I missed you too.”

Jean grabbed a hold of his hand and led him to his back yard. They walked to the largest tree on the property together, one not leading the other and lied underneath it. 

One thing that Jean never took the opportunity to do was appreciate the beauty of the night sky in Maria. The only thing that made it better was the fact that Eren, who he never thought he’d see again, was lying there next to him; holding his hand.

“You deserve so much better.” 

“Yeah I was kinda hoping that you would invite me up to your room, but lying on the grass behind your house is cool too I guess.” Eren squeezed his hand.

“No. That’s not what I meant.” Jean turned to his side and kissed Eren's hand. “You deserve someone that can show you off and scream to the world that you are their boyfriend. Not someone who has to hide you because they’re still in the closet or if they’re sure that there's even a closet to be in. And certainly not someone who’s using you as a bootycall.”

He saw the smile wipe off the smile on his face.

“Shouldn’t that be my call.” Eren responded. “Whether or not I deserve you. I may have been in a very,  _ very  _ shitty thing with someone, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know my worth. We all have our good and bad days, you just happened to be with me on my worst of days. I need to vent and you were there.”

“I’ve never been more attracted to you than I am right now.” 

“Then show me.” Eren said. He closed the gap between them and kissed Jean’s so lips softly It almost tickled. Jean deepened the kiss and moved his body closer to Erens. Eren moved his leg in between Jeans and pressed his hand to the small of Jeans back. Somewhere along the way they untwined their hands and found their way onto the others body.

Jean felt so hot. Every inch of his body was burning and Eren’s fingers felt like they could ignite flames on his skin. He could feel every touch and every brush of movement that came from Eren. Eren opened his mouth and licked Jean’s lips. 

“Wait.” Jean pushed Eren’s shoulders back.

“We can stop if you don’t feel comfortable.” Eren retracted his leg from Jeans.

Jean moaned quietly and squeezed Eren’s shoulder. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Obviously. I mean look at this.” Eren palmed Jean’s growing erection through his boxers and elicited a louder moan from him.

“Seriously!” Jean giggled and playfully slapped Eren's hand away. “As romantic as my grandma's backyard sounds right now I don’t think this is the place to start anything. I mean, her window is right there.” he pointed to the only window of the house that was overseeing the backyard. “It doesn’t help that my mom sleeps with her and is a very light sleeper. I don’t need her to wake up to see her son bouncing up and down on some boys dick.”

“You’re gonna be bouncing on my dick?” Eren smiled. “That’s a nice picture.” 

“Shut up.” Jean shoved him, uttering a laugh. 

“Well then, either we better find a place to go or I better go. I don’t think I can stop myself from touching you right now.”

“I know the feeling, but I really don’t want to stop this. I mean I like  _ this  _ but I also like you just being here.” There was a long pause before Jean spoke again. 

“How much gas do you have in your car right now?” 

“I’m not running away with you Jean no matter how much you may want to elope.”

“That’s not the reason you jerk. I know a place we could go.”

“I have enough for a ride back and then some, let’s go.” Eren got up and grabbed Jean's hand. “Oh I forgot, it’s kind of hard to walk when you’re pitching a tent that big.”

“Oh I forgot, you must not really want this.” 

Eren fell to his knees and grabbed both of Jeans hands. 

“If you need me to beg then I will.” 

“Tempting but, I think I can walk.” Jean kissed his cheek and stood up. Walking with an erection was always awkward, but it would have to do. He pulled Eren’s shirt over his erection and took Eren's hand.

They quickly walked their way to Eren’s truck and made their way to Jean’s choice of location.

“Eren before things get heated and I sit on your dick I want to say that I’m sorry.” Jean spluttered.

“Sorry for sitting on my dick?” Eren replied without moving his eyes from the road.

“I’m sorry for Friday. I’m sorry for running out on you and shouting uncalled things at you. I don’t know how to admit that I’m wrong and I don’t really know how to say sorry because I don’t do it very often.”

“I can tell, I don’t think you’ve let that breath go since you got into my car.”

“Pull over.”

“What?”

“Pull over here.”

“Okay?” Eren questioned and moved the truck off of the road onto an empty field. “I don’t know what I expected, but I certainly didn’t expect you to suggest having sex in my truck in the middle of a pretty much abandoned old road.”

“That way if we die I can take you with me.”

“You really know what to say to a guy don’t you.”

Jean laughed and looked down onto his shirt. He was still holding it over his groin even though the erection had subsided. 

“We don’t have to do this Jean.” Eren spoke up. “We don’t even have to kiss, I’m okay with just getting to spend time with yo-.”

“I’m scared.” Jean admitted. “I’m really scared.”

“We really don’t have to do this.” Eren let go of Jeans hand and tried to back up as much as the space in the car would allow him to.”

“It’s not that.” Jean said quietly. “I mean, I like you Eren. I really  _ really  _ like you.” He turned to face Eren. “I like you so much that every second I was awake it hurt that I did such an awful thing. That’s something that has  _ never  _ happened to me, no matter how long I’ve known or was talking to someone.”

“I’m sorry too. I started the fight and I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

“I think we both have anger issues we avoided dealing with until we actually talked to eachother.”

“Then it’s a good thing that we made up and discussed it like grown-ups.” He leaned into Jean and kissed him roughly, not waiting to set the mood.

“I’m still so sorry.” Jean said in between kisses, he could feel his cock grow in through the thin fabric of Eren's shirt.

Eren pulled back with one last kiss and pulled at Jean's boxers.

“Wanna know how you can make this up to me?”

Jean felt his cock twitch. He swallowed and nodded quickly, thankful that the night sky hid his blush.

“Whatever we do tonight, keep my shirt on.”

Jean nodded again and helped Eren remove his boxers. He’s been naked in front of Eren before, but for the first time ever he truly felt naked. He was painfully aware of fact that Eren was watching his every move right down to the rise and fall of his chest. He’d never felt so seen.

“How do you want to do this?” Eren asked. His hands were roaming Jean’s thighs and his mouth was planting light kisses along his jaw and neck. 

“I want to sit on your dick.” Jean breathed.

“Fuck.” Eren moaned. “Please do that more.”

“I’ll do you one better.” Jean moved his way onto Eren’s lap and straddled him, incredibly and almost painfully aware of how hard he was. 

He wrapped his arms around Eren's neck and kissed him. Eren immediately opened his mouth and Jean dove right in. He felt hot. That seemed to be the theme of the day, but he couldn’t think of another word. He couldn’t think much at all if he was being honest. 

Eren moved both of his hands to Jean’s ass and his mouth to his collar bone.

“Do you have condoms?” Jean asked, he could feel his jaw go slack.

“I’m a gay man, of course I have condoms, and I also have lube so I don’t hurt this cute little ass of yours.” Eren squeezed Jean’s ass for emphasis.

“I feel so special.” Jean smiled. “I trust you Eren, and I trust that you’ll make my first time taking a dick won’t be the worst pain of my life.”

“Trust me, I’ll make sure you scream my name so loud Ymir will be able to hear it. You’re in good hands.”

“Literally.” Jean added.

Eren kissed his neck one more time before reaching over to the glove compartment and taking out two condom packets and a bottle of lube.

“Pull up my shirt. Show me those pretty pink nipples.” 

Pre-cum was starting to leak out of Jean’s cock. He pulled Eren’s shirt up to his neck and groaned when Eren ran his tongue across his nipple. Eren swirled his tongue around his nipple before closing his lips around it and sucking lightly. Jean almost didn’t notice when Eren’s slick finger made its way to Jeans entrance. His breath hitched as Eren pushed through slowly, his mouth sucking Jean’s other nipple harder. His free hand moved up to his other nipple and pinched down lightly. His finger picked up pace and then added another and another until Jean was fucking himself deeper onto Eren’s fingers.

Eren pulled his fingers out of Jean with a small pop and reached for the condoms. “Here.” He said. “Put this on, I don’t want you coming all over my truck, you already leaked all over my jeans.”

Jean took the package and opened it. He slowly rolled the condom on and put his hands back on Eren's shoulders as he watched him roll his own condom on. 

“Ready?” Eren asked.

“Please.” Jean whimpered. “Please fuck me.”

“Fuck.” Eren moaned. “If you want me to last long enough to do that you have to stop talking like that.”

“Well then you better get on it.” Jean sucked hard on Eren’s ear. He could feel Eren shutter and pull him closer, positioning him over his erection.

He slowly lowered Jean as entered into him. Every time he felt erratic breathing from Jean he would stop to allow him to re-adjust. He pushed further until he was all the way in.

Eren shifted and Jean gasped. He grasped desperately at Eren's shoulders and moaned loud. Eren moved his free hand from Jean’s nipple to his ignored cock and started jerking. Jean groaned louder and grinded against Eren’s hand. 

Jean moved up and inch and back down making both of them groan.

He kept up a slow pace until he worked up the confidence and started moving faster. Their moaning and breathes became more ragged and Jean’s moans became increasingly louder.

The hand on Jean started moving faster along with the tongue on his neck. Jean took his hands and placed them on Eren's cheeks, bringing back focus to his mouth. He started feeling good, better than good. What at first was trying to take his mind off of the pain that was Eren’s cock stretching him out became ecstasy and a need for more. A need to take Eren as deep as he could go.

The windows on the car had long since steamed and started rattling with every thrust Eren gave up and Jean pushed down. He never expected to feel as good as he did. While he had anal sex before, he was never on the receiving end; and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to accept that he loved that end.

“Jean.” Eren’s voice was strained. “I don’t think I can hold out much longer.”

“Me either.” Jean whined. 

Eren removed his hands from Jeans chest and cock and placed them underneath his thighs.

“I’m gonna go harder okay? If it’s too much tell me.” Eren shifted back and thrust up in quick shallow strokes. 

“Shit.” Eren cursed as he came unexpectedly inside on Jean. Jean moaned and kept thrusting down on Eren, both for him and to help Eren ride out his orgasm. He placed a hand around himself and stroked hard. Eren’s hands were squeezing Jean’s thighs so hard that he was sure they would leave bruised. He thought made him stutter as me helt the heat pool in his stomach.

He was going to come. Hard. He stopped thinking and let his body do what it wanted. He wasn’t sure whether he went blind or if his eyes were shut. He couldn’t even tell if he was breathing anymore. The only thing he was completely sure about was the jerk of his body and the scream of Eren’s name when he came. He stilled and opened his mouth but no sound came out. He stopped moving and his hand came to a slow stop. He collapsed on a still-panting Eren and joined him in the afterglow. 

Eren was the first to move away from Jean, and Jean followed Erens lead and returned to the passenger side. He peeled Eren's shirt off and threw it to the back seat. Now that he had someone time to think about it, having sex in a small car in the middle of summer didn’t seem like the best of his ideas, but the high he was coming down from would disagree with him.

“I feel like I’m swimming.” Eren was the first to break the silence.

“That’s what happens when the humidity outside is 83%”

“I regret keeping my clothes on. I feel like I’m glued to them.” Eren said as he peeled the condom off carefully and tucked himself back into his pants. Jean followed suit.

“Better than being glued to this seat, I’m going to have a hard time getting up.”

“That’s what happens when you have sex with me.” Eren reached over and pecked his cheek, disposing of the condom in a superstore shopping bag. Jean took advantage of the opportunity and dropped of his as well. “I’ll throw this away when I get home.”

Jean pulled on his boxers and felt like a weight pull at his heart.

Home.

He was in such a rush to see Eren that he forgot to grab his phone when he ran out of his house. It was well past 2 A.M. and tomorrow he was on his way home more than 6 hours away from Eren.

“I really like you Jean.” Eren spoke again, grabbing his hand.

“You sure are chatty today.”

“Are we doing this again?”

“No I just… I’m scared.” He paused. “I obviously like you enough to lose sleep for a week over the thought of you being mad at me, but I might be leaving to college. Even if I don’t leave we’re 6 hours away from each other.”

“That’s like 6 episodes of Breaking Bad it’s not that bad. I have a car and skype exists. We text like crazy and we talked to each other every night when we didn’t have this fight.”

“Yeah and when I’m 6 hours away or further you can’t just come knock at my door to make things better. You shouldn’t even be the one having to come and clean up my mess in this, I need to take some responsibility too.”

Eren clutched his hand harder and looked at him. 

“Be my boyfriend.”

“Yes.”

“Look I think we can really do this and, what?”

“Frankly if you hadn’t asked me out than I would have.”

“You still can.” Eren smiled.

“Eren, will you be my boyfriend?”

“Well now I don’t know. Ow.” Eren pinched Jean playfully and laughed.

For the first time in a week, Jean felt happy. Truly and completely happy.

“I love you.” He said. He almost didn’t care that he was relieved to say it.

Eren smiled and his eyes glistened in the early morning sun.

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaand that's a wrap! Thank you for reading this until the end. It's been a long ride. 8 months, 9 seasons of Grey's Anatomy, one grant writing class, and one college graduation has changed my writing style for the better. Thank you for so much for staying with me and seeing my writing evolve towards the better!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading until the end! This is my first fic and to top it off it's a multichaptered fic. It shouldn't be more than 7 chapters so it should be done pretty quick, especially when I'm done with the semester in a few weeks. I got the idea for this story when I was listening to Taylor Swifts' "I'd Lie" and immediately thought of Jean and Eren thinking about each other throughout the song. Thanks T-swizzle for this. Since it is my first fic feel free to leave my any type of feed back! I would really appreciate it!


End file.
